Whether or not it's boring depends on your perspective, I'd say.
[He muses out loud. Of course, he doesn't understand the proprietress's perspective; he doesn't know what she considers interesting and what she considers boring. They're still in the "getting to know each other" stage! But,]
I'm sure my life would be considered boring compared to some people here. I've never journeyed across different worlds, been given a powerful god's blessing, or defeated an evil villain with magic. But to someone who considers all those things to be "normal," my life must surely sound abnormal. And to someone who's curious about nobility, or about the dazzling world of idols, my history might just sound like a dream come true to them.
[He's sure the same applies to Jun.
... well, not the "dream come true" part. Jun's upbringing wasn't a dream come true no matter how you look at it. But someone who's curious about the customs in their world, or about the world of idols, would surely find something in his memories to interest them.
But does either one of those apply to her? If he had to guess what the proprietress was after...
He doesn't theorize about that out loud. Jun tells him to "give him a minute," and he falls quiet. He looks thoughtful until Jun brings the tea over, at which point he smiles.]
Good service as usual. You haven't gotten rusty at serving me tea, which is good ♪
[He takes a very small sip of his tea, careful not to burn his mouth, before setting the cup back down.]
I hope when we leave here, we get to bring some of our possessions back. Like this cup, for instance. Or those adorable plushies we won from the arcade! Though if not, I guess I can always have you win me another one.
[But enough off-topic chatter.
They get back to the memory discussion after that. As a matter of fact, Hiyori would like to hear about the formation of Eve from Jun's perspective. But he did already hear Jun talk about it during SS last year. And he doesn't appreciate being called stupid, either! Then again, he's always been someone who acts frivolous on purpose, so "stupid" isn't an unreasonable assumption. (At least he understands how metaphors work.) He won't bother to get offended. Instead he smiles and answers in affirmative when Jun makes that last suggestion.]
That sounds good to me. We'll fulfill the task that way, and I'll also get to learn more about something precious to me.
[Or someone precious. His fingers reach for his pen again, and he waits for Jun.]
[ He'd likely consider most of his memories mundane, taking on a pragmatic perspective. While their lives may seem ordinary compared to the examples provided, he's completely content with that simplicity when it allows him to embrace the wonderful world of being an idol.
Perhaps someone here might be curious about the intricacies of being a Noble. Still, for Jun, it's not exactly a dream come true, at least not to the same degree as it is for Hiyori, though he keeps that view to himself.
He smiles at the compliment on the good service, shaking his head slightly. Of course, he'll never, ever forget how Hiyori enjoys his tea. That memory was practically seared into his mind. ]
Mhm, I kinda hope they'll send us home with 'em! But if not, I'll win you a buncha plushies to make up for the ones left behind ♪
[ The casual, off-topic chatter helps Jun relax as he recalls why they are here. While Eve, from his perspective, could make an interesting memory, he'll worry about that later. For now, Jun will start at the beginning, recounting events as far back as he can remember. Notably, he never considered Hiyori to be truly stupid! Only an idiot for reasons he'll delve into once the memory leads them there. ]
Right, so I'll get started! Thanks for being patient.
[ It's helped alleviate some fears, mostly getting started on which memory to begin with. ]
Most my memories from bein' some snot-nose kid're still pretty hazy. But my earliest memory has gotta be watching Sagami Jin's idol videos for the first time, 'cause I watched 'em thinking, "I wanna be like this sorta guy on a stage, bringing cheer to fans and making 'em happy!" Like the sorta guy I thought my old man was before I figured out all he did was lie. It was weird, y'see... Back then, my parents were all over me and kept meddling with my life. Honestly, I never had any choice in it. It's kinda like I didn't have a chance the moment I was born, 'cause my parents wanted me to become like my old man from the very start.
[ He shifts uncomfortably on the couch, taking an intake of breath. ]
But when I was old enough, there was no doubt I wanted to be an idol. Outta my own violation, not from anyone brainwashing me into thinking that's what I wanted. I did some research and went and talked to some people who shared the same dream as me. And that's when I finally found out that my old man wasn't some admirable or grand idol like I'd been led to believe.
[ The last and only time he'd ever spoken about this was to Hokuto, and not even Jun could think why he'd told the idol from Trickstar his life story. ]
I asked them, y'know? An innocent question 'bout what I found out. All I wanted was for them to deny it, and tell me those're all lies. But you wanna know what they did? Well, they flew into a rage. I loved them, y'see, as any kid would! But my question hit some sorta nerve and that was it. The bubble I'd surrounded myself in was all wrong and my entire world shattered.
[ Leaning forward a touch, he reaches for the cup to take a quick sip of tea. His voice went from clear to shaky, there's a hint of anger underneath the words. But most of all, there's sheer disappointment. ]
My old man blabbered on 'bout some nonsense and my mother cried. It wasn't a happy memory, 'cause all she did was cry whenever I saw her. Like it was all my fault for finding out the truth, or maybe it was why they'd lied to me all this time. I dunno, Ohii-san, she tried her best to believe those lies, but part of me thinks my mother felt bad for lying. Ever since that day she wound up emotionally unstable and broke down in tears all the damn time.
.. didja want me to keep going? I'm not done just yet, but I dunno how much you wanna hear, 'cause it's what you'd call unhappy.
[ He looks over to Hiyori then, trying not to keep track of how much he's been writing, or if he's been writing everything down. It's better not to think much about it for the time being. ]
[Well. Realistically, they probably won't be "sent" home. He assumes they're going to have to escape while the House's back is turned, so it'll probably just be a matter of grabbing whatever they can grab before they go. Kind of like choosing which possessions to flee with while your house burns down. But as Jun says, they can always acquire new possessions and make new memories (especially once he has access to his bank account again!), and he smiles at the thought of Jun winning him "a bunch" of plushies on an arcade date at home.
But now onto the memory-sharing.
Jun begins discussing his early childhood, and Hiyori sits politely and listens. The memory he starts off with consists of him... watching a Jin Sagami video. Of course, that would be one of his earliest memories. While other kids watched P*kemon and Dor*emon, Jun-kun watched Jin Sagami perform. And his thoughts during that time were surprisingly pure. He didn't become an idol out of "revenge" on behalf of his dad, or anything like that. Even back then, he wanted to make people smile.
Though it's sad to think his parents gave him no choice in the matter. Just like Nagisa-kun, Jun's path in life was decided from an early age. It's something Hiyori can't relate to personally, seeing as his older brother got all the responsibilities associated with being an heir heaped on him. Still, Jun wanted to become an idol for his own reasons, too. He truly was inspired by those Jin videos; watching and learning from them wasn't something he hated. That makes things better, doesn't it?
But he knows enough to know that the story of Jun's childhood isn't about to take a positive turn. And sure enough, it doesn't.
Uncharacteristically quiet, Hiyori takes in the whole story without interrupting. Sitting it out through Jun's pauses, waiting for him to sip tea. He doesn't actually use the pen he's holding. Nor does he break eye contact. But his eyes do become overcast as Jun talks about his parents flying into a rage and his mother crying. His lips thin out, expression somber rather than cheerful.
Even adults can have inner turmoil and carry bitter regrets. But to burden a child with those feelings, and to lash out all because he asked a simple question...
There's a short pause after Jun's question at the end. But he does his best to respond without sounding too heavy.]
I guess that depends on what you want. That probably was enough detail. But if you're "not done yet," then it sounds like maybe you should go on.
[He smiles. It's small, and there might be something a little sad about the look in his eyes. But it's meant to be encouraging and to show he's unbothered.]
You don't have to hold back for fear of depressing me. I'm someone who always stays bright and cheerful, just like the sun. Remember?
[ Or perhaps they might be thrown into a portal with no time to grab anything! The scariest scenario, even though it'll end with them back home, safe and sound, and Jun means what he says; perhaps they might be able to win other Eden plushies inside the crane machines.
Picking up on how quiet Hiyori's been, Jun appreciates not being interrupted or asked a thousand questions about his past. The painful memories of his difficult childhood still linger deep within, triggering a visceral reaction as he nears the end of this traumatic period. Does he want pity when he can barely tolerate it? The parents he loved never loved him back, viewing him merely as a means to an end. (Or a means for revenge.)
Did his parents regret how bitter they once were? Did they regret treating their son this way? Those are valid thoughts—ones Jun's still unsure about. Now he wonders if he never asked the question, just how different his childhood may have been. ]
Uh, sure, but I'd rather not depress you. I'll try and not hold back, alright?
[ He nods, eyes narrowing as he looks on with a sombre expression. While trying not to read too much into the hint of sadness, he'll continue until it becomes too much or he's done. Whichever comes first. ]
Right, as I was saying, my parents, or maybe it was my old man's idea. I dunno who's idea it was, but after confronting 'em, they'd force me inside and into watching more and more of Sagami Jin's old videos. I never thought much 'bout it when I was a kid, but the older I got, the more I started seeing things for what they were. Maybe it's all my fault, 'cause I did something that pissed 'em off and instead of apologising, I sat there and took all the shouting and yelling at face value.
[ And it's enough to ruin any kid. ]
But instead, I was forced to come home straight from school and wasn't allowed to own anything non-idol related. For a kid, that'd shatter their entire world, but after the yelling, nothing really surprised me. I think it must've been 'round the time my father thought it'd be a good idea to train me into some sorta weapon to take down Sagami Jin. Or maybe the idea was already planted before I'd been born. I never asked again, y'see... I figured it was too late to ask, and those were some pretty heavy questions, and I'd already pissed 'em off.
[ After being shown videos of Jin, the seeds were already planted and trained to take him down, though he only realised this later. ]
Honestly, I remember feeling pretty anxious while locked up and being forced to watch those videos I loved as a kid. Those were meant to be my "happy" memories, but they soon turned into "bad" memories. Every kid deserves a happy childhood; at least I tried telling myself I did. After that, I wasn't allowed any freedom; they were on my back 'bout every little thing. I had to go home right after school, forced into training and it wasn't as if I started resenting idols.. I think I began resting myself, which sounds messed up, right?
[ And that's when he recalls despising the world around him and "authority" figures. ]
Kids're meant to play with other kids, enjoy their freedom and run 'round 'til they grow tired or skin their knees, but not for me. I had no choice but to watch the same damn videos day in and day out 'til my old man was satisfied. But my experience was something near damn close to what you'd call "house arrest," and I hate how I felt more than anything. My mother wasn't stable enough, my dad lost the plot, and I was a kid lookin' after myself. And now, the more I look at it, the more it seems like I shoulda done something.
[ Like what? Now it's far too late to think about the "what if's." ]
Maybe fight for me to get outta my shitty home, maybe did something different or told my old man exactly where to shove it. But I couldn't, Ohii-san, 'cause the same, messed-up part of me still loved 'em. For the parents who never allowed me to own anythin' but those stupid Sagami Jin videos, they expected too much outta me and I'd say it's a miracle I'm here.
[ It's long-winded; he's been talking non-stop for a couple of minutes, but as much as Jun's memory allows, he's done. ]
I was angry, Ohii-san, I hated my parents and felt guilty for hating 'em. What the hell was I meant to do, anyway? Thank 'em for bringing me into the world, or praise 'em for locking me in some room for hours? I know better now, and all I can offer 'bout my childhood are unhappy memories.
[ He's uncomfortable, and it shows, in the way his gaze darts from Hiyori back to an interesting spot on the couch. But there is a relief of "coming clean" about his childhood to someone important, even if the memory may or may not be used for nefarious purposes. ]
[As he just said, Jun won't depress him! He's too bright and shiny for dark and gloomy things like depression! ... or so he says. But he doesn't butt in and say that; he just nods, smiles at Jun, and waits for him to resume. See, he's a good talker, but he can also be an excellent listener!
... even when the story is something gloomy like this.
Nothing comes as a huge shock. At least not really. It's all stuff he already had an inkling about. Jun's talked about his dad and his messed-up childhood before: how his father was defeated by Jin but couldn't move on from it, how he attempted to pass down his hatred to Jun, how Jun trained relentlessly to become an idol under his stead. "He's the guy who killed my old man" was something Jun said on the very day he moved into Hiyori's dorm room, after all. And the tale only grew sadder from there. Forced to bear the burden of his father's bitter regrets and vengeful loathing, Jun was deprived of the fun and freedom that normal children were allowed. This isn't news.
It doesn't make it any less sad to hear the details, though. He's unable to keep smiling for long; the best he can hope for is a neutral face, but even that's hard to maintain in the face of what he's hearing. To think that Jun—his Jun—was treated that poorly...
Something churns in his gut other than just sadness. A hot, bubbling feeling like something boiling inside him. He's angry on Jun's behalf, not that that does any good. That's something he hasn't always felt; he knew how bad things were between them, yet somewhere in his heart he always hoped that Jun and his family would reconcile. He just couldn't shake the feeling, however naive, that families ought to stick together and love each other. The video from Project Saga, where Jun's father congratulated him on his accomplishments, made him think things weren't entirely beyond repair. But now, listening to this...
He just can't wish for such a happy outcome. Not unless Jun receives a proper apology first.]
[For a moment, while he wasn't monitoring it, his expression might have looked somewhat scary.
But it doesn't make any sense for someone as "bright as the sun" to walk around (or sit around) with a shadow hanging over their face. As Jun reaches the end, he sounds in need of guidance. "What the hell was I meant to do?" he asks. A rhetorical question, but also an expression of frustration and a plea for understanding. In any case, Hiyori knows what to do: focus on Jun's goodness, rather than any depressing stuff.]
I'm glad you do know better. Since neither I nor someone else could ever expect you to do either of those things.
[He manages to smile just as he did last time. Perhaps his words will sound like platitudes, but they're coming straight from the heart. Just like most of his words to Jun-kun, these days.]
You never asked to be born, or to have that miserable childhood. But all I can say is I'm immensely glad you were born. If it's a "miracle" that brought you this far, then I'm glad for that miracle. After all, as long as you're alive, you can always make new memories. Find new dreams to chase, find people who love you like family...
[He trails off for a moment, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Slightly sad, but affectionate. And not "depressed."]
It won't make up for all that went wrong in the past. But it's a start, at least.
[ He hadn't meant to sound emotional, but discussing his parents and childhood still affected him deeply. While the video shown during Project Saga painted his parents in a more positive light, he felt conflicted about his father's apparent pride in him. Part of him wanted to let go of the past animosity and resentment, but another part lingered on the fact that his parents, who he had loved, never seemed to truly love him back or show remorse for their actions.
Jun wondered if an apology from his parents could fix everything, but the logical part of his brain knew it might be too late for that. After all, the role of parents is to see their children's flaws and provide the love and care they need. Due to his troubled upbringing, Jun had grappled with complex, conflicting feelings of love and resentment— until he met Hiyori. ]
Well, I appreciate knowing you'd never expect anythin' like that from me.
[ Despite Hiyori's assurances that it would be fine, part of Jun still feels guilty. Even the fleeting sight of a shadow cast over him feels off. Hiyori warmth and radiance, shining like the sun, should stay this way forever. ]
But I'm glad I was born, despite my crappy childhood and having parents who didn't give a damn. And I mean, we've got our makeshift family in Eden, so you guys are pretty important to me now. 'sides Mary's our little girl, and memories like that'll stick with me forever.
[ Having Hiyori listen, pay attention and say reassuring words as he's gone into greater detail about his past has been worth getting this off his chest. Rarely spoken beyond what he's said to Hiyori, those bitter regrets and vengeful loathing are memories no child should ever have to bear the burden of. ]
Nothing ever makes up for what happened, but I'm not boutta let my past ruin my future. I think my being here, and not giving up proved as much.
[Hiyori watches his partner's face closely, wondering how he feels right now. Exposed? Vulnerable? Does he feel better, having gotten that off his chest? Or did this memory-sharing quest simply dredge up things he would've preferred to keep buried?
He's not sure which it is. All he knows is that the look on Jun's face seems almost guilty. Which doesn't make any sense, since none of this was Jun's fault. If that is what Jun's feeling, though, Hiyori will just have to help him get past it. It's a fine line to walk, figuring out how to raise Jun's spirits without glossing over all the struggles he's been through. But, as Jun's partner and Eden's (un)official moodmaker, if anyone can manage, it should be Hiyori.]
Mm ♪
[He hums his agreement, though it's just a little subdued, his smile still a bit sad. They haven't seen Mary in months at this point, and her name is a sharp tug at his heartstrings.]
... honestly, I wouldn't have thought we'd end up such a happy family. Ibara seemed awfully shady when he first approached me and Nagisa-kun. And he was always saying things like, "Here at CosPro, we strive to keep our personal and professional lives separate."
[Yep. Let's blame it all on Ibara. The truth is that Hiyori's only prior experience with an idol unit was the absolute farthest thing from a "happy family." Even though he had the most normal childhood of anyone in Eden, he still didn't know how to go about building a unit into a family. But he's all smiles as he thinks back on their beginnings now.]
But I'm glad Eden's become a place where you can feel at home. And I'm just as glad that I got to see Jun-kun grow stronger and stronger. Like a lotus flower, Jun-kun can bloom beautifully no matter how muddy the water. That's something that's bound to inspire others.
[Perhaps it'll even inspire the proprietress.
... he just wishes Jun's environment hadn't been quite so muddy. That he'd been nurtured and cared for properly instead of being dragged through the mud. But oh well. There's no changing the past, sadly.]
[ How about: all of the above? Jun hasn't revealed much about his past to anyone, not even those closest to him. The little information he has shared hasn't fully explained the deep-seated feelings he has kept buried up until today.
Hiyori already knows Jun's father was a failed idol and that Jun harboured a grudge against Sagami Jin. But Jun has never discussed these topics as openly as he did today. Now, his past actions—the anger and roughness when they first met, yet the underlying kindness—hopefully begin to make more sense.
Even at his lowest moments, Jun knows his partner is there, rallying everyone. Though Nagi-senpai once steered Hiyori away when he was spiralling, that support now feels as present as ever. ]
Honestly, I was nervous thinking 'bout it. Being 'round Nagi-senpai and Ibara made me feel intimidated, 'cause half the time I didn't know what Ibara was going on about. And Nagi-senpai was so cool... But you were the person who helped me, and I gotta say it sucked being away from you at the start.
[ The start means when Ibara came into their practice room, pulling Hiyori away and leaving Jun by himself. ]
Ibara called me his "soulmate," which I thought was real weird. This guy who barely knew me was acting all buddy-buddy and he couldn't remember my name half the time. But I'd met Ibara before that, 'cause he almost ran me over one time.
[ Or his driver did, but details! Everything is Ibara's fault! When in doubt, we blame Ibara.
For Jun, whose family never brought him joy, Eden felt like a welcome respite. Though their personalities differed, they had forged an unlikely family bond. However, when thoughts trickle about Mary, his heart sinks, knowing he shouldn't mention her, but it's the truth. ]
You think so? I'm gonna keep growing stronger, like the lotus flower we found together. But I'd rather not speak 'bout my past to just anyone. You already know the details of how my old man had a rivalry with Sagami Jin, yet 'Sazanami,' well, the name was pretty tainted. Part of me thinks if you'd known, there's not a chance you woulda picked me.
[ And sometimes the question sits heavy on his shoulders, not daring to ask the same as he had with his father. ]
So Jun-kun was already that attached to me, hmm? ♪ That makes you sound almost like Mary!
[Yep. Jun already brought him up, so now it's his turn to mention her. Mary had a hard time adjusting to her new life at Reimei, howling all night when they first brought her home. And then shortly growing clingy and sad whenever she was separated from her owners. Although Hiyori was just teasing, it's not a bad analogy. "A dirty stray dog in an alleyway" is how Jun described himself at one point.
Like Mary, though, Jun is better at dealing with other people than he used to be. He seems to get along well with others, at home and at the resort—a fact Hiyori is glad for, even if it also spikes his jealousy. But if there's a part of him that misses the time when he was the only one Jun felt comfortable around, it's more than made up for by their new level of closeness. Right now, he's the only one Jun kisses and holds, the one who has Jun's love, and the one Jun calls his "partner." That's good enough for him.
But back to the other Eden members.]
Hm? That's how you met?
[His eyebrows lift.]
He needs to work on his first impressions. He was being driven around when he met me and Nagisa-kun, too. He said he'd been scouting us for months, which would be flattering, except the way he talked sounded so shady and self-important! I'm guessing he also handed you his business card, right? And you must have thought to yourself, "What sort of kid my own age has a business card?"
[Sorry, Ibara. But in spite of all the dunking, Hiyori looks fond.]
But I guess he's always treated you differently. With me and Nagisa-kun, we were more like "assets" he wanted to invest in. But you must have seemed more like a kindred spirit ♪ Perhaps it's because you're the same age, or because of your past experiences. Ibara's been through a lot himself, after all. Though I'd say he's more like a rose covered in thorns than a lotus flower...
[That'll be the last thing he says about Ibara for a bit. His thoughts shift abruptly at the end, when Jun mentions the possibility that he wouldn't have picked him up if he'd known—a possibility Hiyori's mind instantly rejects. He shakes his head at the thought.]
There's no need to be so cynical. In the first place, the name "Sazanami" wouldn't have meant anything to me.
[Since he didn't even know who Jin was until Jun explained it.]
But even if I had known the full story, I still would've picked Jun-kun. After all, if I'd realized your name was "tainted," that would've made you seem even more resilient. Between being a Non-Special Student and bearing a name that lives in infamy, you had every reason in the world to quit trying to be an idol. Yet still you persisted. That shows a great deal of resolve, doesn't it? And that's exactly the sort of quality I'd want to have in a partner.
[Fortunately, he has a good eye for these things. And fortunately, he chose Jun-kun. As he told Jun in an earlier text conversation, he's glad he made that decision, and it shows in the warm smile he wears now.]
I know you're teasing, Ohii-san, and it's pretty annoying. But I'm not gonna answer your question with a response.
[ But the answer is written plainly across his face - the way the blush darkens, the fondness in his voice. It's true, Jun was already attached, just as Mary was with them. Being separated from Hiyori felt wrong, as if something were missing. This was the first time he'd never wanted to be apart from someone.
He used to struggle with dealing and talking to people, but that changed thanks to Hiyori. Perhaps meeting Tatsumi-senpai helped too, but Hiyori was the one who truly changed the trajectory of his life. Back then, Hiyori was the only one he felt comfortable around, even joking about his shitty personality among other things. And whenever he heard Hiyori's laughter from the Third-Year classrooms, it soothed him, knowing his partner was never far away. By that time, he may have already fallen in love, though the verdict's still unsure about it. But he knows this for certain: Hiyori will be the only person he ever loves.
Talking about how they met Ibara is amusing, knowing they both met him under similar circumstances. Except Jun wasn't being scouted for anything, and maybe Ibara was there for other reasons. (Perhaps to meet Tatsumi-senpai, "HiMERU" or someone else.) ]
Yeah, he's always been shit at those, hasn't he? But I mean, if he'd been scouting you guys for months, Ibara must've had a reason. And pretty sure he still talks all shady and self-important, but guess business guys gotta do business. Huh, that's weirdly accurate. I wanted to tear the business card up, 'cause I thought him handing me one was a big joke. I guess Ibara handed you and Nagi-senpai one, too?
[ Why a sixteen-year-old had business cards, Jun will never know. And a handful of them, not to mention the car he was being driven around in! ]
You think he does? I thought he was shady as hell, so I dunno why he'd think of me as some "kindred spirit" or why he'd think I'd be happy being 'round someone like him. But now I think 'bout it more, I guess I ended up thinking of Ibara as a friend.
[ But now he knows more about flowers, he nods towards the meaning. Jun wishes his mind wouldn't have gone there, to think of his "tainted" name and the struggles he went through because of it. To think if Hiyori had known, perhaps if Ibara had ever known, where he'd currently be. (Definitely not kidnapped in a sex casino.) ]
I know it's easy for you to say! But it's just... like I couldn't have gone through meeting you and all, and you asking me to form a unit, then have you find out 'bout my name and give up. Everything coulda gone wrong, Ohii-san, but none of it did. I'm not someone who gives up, even when stuff starts looking bleak. I'm flattered to hear that's the quality you were looking for, and it kinda got me thinking maybe you saw something in me no one else did. And, well, I'll never know, but it's like I was a real brat before we met and I sorta was after you took me in.
[ And "sorta" is an understatement, but he is the most fortunate person in the world. ]
When I enrolled at Reimei, I thought I knew everything. I didn't wanna listen to authority, I got my ass kicked my first day and got suspended. But I'm here, proof your hard work didn't go to waste. I seriously didn't squander the chance, so thanks for believing in me from the start.
[ The name "Sazanami" might still be tainted, but it's one he's made his own now. And it must count for something, meeting the warm smile with one of his own. ]
[It's okay. Even if Jun doesn't dignify him with a response, Hiyori knows the truth.]
I'm pretty sure he was scouting us for the same reason CosPro formed Eden: to conquer the industry and make a profit! If it's talent you want, it only makes sense to turn to me and Nagisa-kun ♪ And he also said something about how "when God shuts one door, he opens another," though we were both too baffled to really puzzle out what that meant by that. Anyway, yep, he handed us his business card! It was a completely different sort of "card exchange" than the one they're so obsessed with here.
[God only knows what Ibara would think of that card exchange.
In response to the friend comment, Hiyori smiles gleefully.]
Yes, you two seem like great friends nowadays! Even Kohaku-kun could see it ♪
[Referring to something that happened at the hotel in Kyushu shortly before their arrival.
There's more that he could say about Ibara, who had a hellish childhood, and why he might relate to Jun. But he refrains; it would all be speculation, and in any case, hearing Jun's thoughts on the early days of their partnership distracts him. "Maybe you saw something in me that no one else did, huh...?"
He waits for Jun to finish, his gaze contemplative. Honestly, he didn't know the details of Jun's first year at Reimei; he heard bits and pieces here and there, but hearing that Jun was suspended on the first day is a new one. There's probably a lot else he doesn't know. Still, those days are history. ... unless there's something from that time that Jun wants to share.
At last, he softly replies:]
Jun-kun was cheeky, alright. And he got cheekier and cheekier over time. But at the same time, I was glad Jun-kun had grown comfortable enough to voice his true feelings and thoughts—even when those thoughts were so rude.
[The last word takes on an exasperated tinge, but he's smiling.]
I might be one of the first to see Jun-kun's good points, but I know I'm not the only one nowadays. Now everyone can see it—our fans, our other friends, even the people we've met here. I guess I'm the one who brought you into the light, though, where everyone could see. So if you want to thank me for that, I'll gladly accept your thanks. And in return, I'll thank you for helping me with this memory task!
... you are comfortable with me sharing what you said earlier, right? I know it was rather personal.
[ Goddamn, he's got to get better at hiding truths. ]
To make a profit...? So, he'd seen you and Nagi-senpai back at Yumenosaki? Hmm, guess talent is all that matters to him, huh? Plus, Ibara's got eyes everywhere, so there's no wonder he found you and Nagi-senpai. Well, I'd hope it'd be a different card exchange, 'cause I'm pretty sure Ibara's not into, uh, you know!
[ Sex, debauchery, and everything leading up to it! ]
Sakura-kun just needed my help, Ohii-san! That doesn't mean much...
[ Don't call him out on the friendship thing! He could've easily contacted Hiyori, but perhaps since he and Kohaku are roommates, it was easier to contact him.
Jun doesn't know too much about Ibara's past, only about his military background, unaware of how much trauma their fellow unit member has endured. Maybe if Eden talked about their trauma!!! But when Hiyori found him, he'd been at the lowest of the lows, and still to this day, Jun had no idea how Hiyori found him in the first place. No other Special bothered with Non-Specials unless you were Tatsumi-senpai. (And look how well that went for him!)
So, he figures it may have been something Hiyori saw in him, even though most of his life was spent training to become an idol, his voice wasn't at its most potential until after Hiyori trained him. So, what could it have been? He has never discussed his first year in such detail as he has now; he can still vividly recall the first day. He could... always share more. Nothing's stopping him from doing so, right? The talk about his father opened the floodgates and even mentions of Reimei...
He feels conflicted, the expression showing momentarily while he listens to Hiyori right as he finishes. ]
Well, I never woulda spoken to a Special like I did 'round you. So, when you asked me to give you a nickname, I guess that's when things changed between us. I'd never really felt comfortable 'round anyone, but I could be myself in our space. And I was still pretty afraid you'd throw me out, so I acted all weirdly polite.
[ Just as he said, before Hiyori mentioned already being fond of him. But Jun was plenty cheeky back then, something he wouldn't have done if Hiyori hadn't picked him up. ]
... thanks for putting up with me being rude and uneducated and, well, everything else. I'd say you're the one who brought me into the light. If we never met, I never woulda imagined what it'd be like to experience the warmth and happiness I feel now. It's.. 'cause, I didn't know anything 'bout love. But, Ohii-san, you were the one who showed me I'm someone worth giving a damn about. So I'm saying thank you for both of those things. I'm grateful we met and pleased we're here.
And yeah, you can share the info.. if you want. As long as it stays between us three now, and 'sides, I've got plenty of other personal stuff I can share! And just with you, no one else.
[ Which doesn't have to be today, tomorrow, or even next week. He does trust Hiyori enough to keep his secrets safe, no matter how far he delves into his past. ]
Apparently so! Though I don't recall ever seeing him in the audience. Most of our lives were closed to Yumenosaki students, so it wouldn't make sense for him to be there. But if anyone can infiltrate rival schools, it's him, I suppose. Or maybe he sent spies to watch us on his behalf.
[All completely normal things to do in the world of idols. If you're Ibara, that is.
Anyway, that's all he'll say about his time at Yumenosaki for now. He'd rather not go into detail about what ex-fine's performances were like. Just like the rest of Eden, he prefers NOT to talk about the past and any unpleasantness that may have taken place there.
But perhaps he is glad Jun talked to him about his. The fact Jun felt comfortable enough to do that shows trust, and it speaks volumes about the intimacy between them. Real intimacy—not the House's fake version.
It's something they've all built in Eden. He's the one who's closest to Jun-kun, of course. But Jun-kun is friends with Ibara, and even he and Nagisa-kun seem to be getting along well nowadays. Hiyori laughs to himself as Jun bashfully shrugs off the part about Kohaku—who, by the way, is another example of someone Jun's forged a bond with. Someone Jun tries to look out for. How sweet, he'd thought back at the hotel. Jun really has grown a lot.
But he isn't done talking about the past yet, apparently. Reminiscing some more on the early days of their partnership, Jun tells him how he awkward he felt at first, which causes Hiyori to chime in agreement:]
Yep, it was super obvious you were uncomfortable! So I thought the last thing we needed was for you to call me "senpai," all stiff and formal-like. Though I hadn't expected you to give me a nickname like that...
[A pun on his name, and one that means "princess." They've had that conservation before. But then Jun's next words make him pause, rather than continue talking about the nickname.
His smile turns a little lopsided. "I was afraid you'd throw me out," Jun says. And his instinctive response, of course, is to ask "Whatever made you think that?" But he doesn't ask that. Because it's not like he doesn't know. Jun just gave him plenty of solid reasons for why he might have been trained to expect the worst, and why he might suffer from low self-esteem.
And it's not like Hiyori did much to convey the message that he wouldn't throw Jun away. On the contrary, didn't he used to joke that he would do that if Jun displeased him?
His lips thin out, teeth sinking into his lower one. He'd like to explain that it was just a joke, one he gave up once it became clear enough that he never really meant it to start with. But that hardly seems adequate, especially after what Jun just shared.
Jun at least doesn't linger on that idea. Quite the opposite—he goes on to apologize for not being "educated," to thank Hiyori for bringing him into the light. Which means Hiyori doesn't have to address that part of their past. Something like an apology would feel out-of-place anyway. Or so he thinks, but is that just a convenient excuse he's telling himself...?
There's a conspicuous moment of silence before he finally responds.]
... You're welcome.
[He moves the unused notebook off his lap and sets it on the table. His tea will get cold at this rate. But he doesn't pick that up yet, either.]
Though you don't have to apologize for the holes in your upbringing. That wasn't your fault, just as Nagisa-kun's unfortunate upbringing wasn't his fault.
[Raised in an empty room, raised in a broken household, raised in an orphanage and then a military facility. None of the other members had normal childhoods. It's not their fault they turned out rough around the edges. But what exactly is his excuse for turning out much the same?
The answer to that is simple, he figures. Everyone gets tainted by the world around them. Nagisa, Jun, Ibara, even him. There's no use endlessly berating themselves for it. He'd rather they all loved themselves. And it's with that thought in mind that he looks Jun in the eye and smiles, properly this time.]
But I'll gladly accept Jun-kun's thanks, anyway. Just as long as Jun-kun accepts my thanks for being such a good partner.
[A short pause, and then the corners of his lips tick further upward.]
And for putting up with my personality. Especially back in those days.
[ He wonders how Ibara discovered information about ex-fine, Nagi-senpai, and Ohii-san, but he refrains from prying further. After all, Ibara likely had spies or cameras monitoring Yumenosaki. It's the sort of person he is, so what Hiyori says about that makes sense.
Jun has wanted to open up about his past, even the most difficult details for some time. Despite the pain it may have caused, he feels comfortable enough to discuss his treatment, hoping to demonstrate further the trust they've built.
When Hiyori mentions Jun's stiffness and apparent discomfort during their earliest encounters, Jun smiles fondly. He hadn't anticipated Hiyori would observe and consider the nuances of his behaviour so closely or his mannerisms so thoughtfully. ]
You paid attention to that, huh~? At first, I just thought you didn't want anyone calling you "senpai.". But you're just "Ohii-san" to me, like a seriously fussy, spoiled princess.
[ He knows they've had this conversation before, and he's explained the meaning of "Ohii-san" to others. Jun doesn't expect people to understand! But Hiyori is his fussy, spoiled princess, just as he declared on national television during Bogie Time.
Perhaps it's better not to dwell on the nickname. He's already discussing one of his greatest fears. Or maybe he shouldn't have brought it up at all and waited for another time. Deep down, Jun should have known better or had more confidence that Hiyori wouldn't discard him. But the anxiety, filled with fear, often became too much to bear.
Most of Jun's life was spent with people who treated him as disposable. But with Hiyori, it felt different. He doesn't know if he could have recovered if Hiyori had thrown him away, and that became his biggest fear. Perhaps his greatest regret stemmed from the fact that despite his intense hatred, Hiyori still accepted him. It doesn't make sense, but maybe one day he'll understand. For now, he's content telling Hiyori about his fears.
Hiyori is someone Jun loves deeply and who loves him in return. Surely he'll understand!
Despite Hiyori moving the notebook away and telling him he needn't apologise for his upbringing, the words warm Jun's heart. At that moment, he realises all someone needs is acceptance, just as Hiyori had accepted him from the beginning. After all, everyone is a little "messed up" in their own way, shaped by their differences, upbringing, or the people they've encountered.
But what if things had been different? What if Jun had experienced a normal childhood, never enrolling at Reimei Academy? Would he and Hiyori have ever crossed paths? It was a thought he'd pondered before—that his life might have been better without Reimei. Yet he knew with certainty that he never would have met Hiyori, the person he loves more than anything, someone he loves waking up beside each morning and the person he's offered his heart and soul. ]
I know, but you still accepted me. And you've got no idea how much being accepted means to someone like me. And you accepted Nagi-senpai, too! Ohii-san, you're a good person.
[ He genuinely means those words. To him, Hiyori will always be a good person, despite the events in Yumenosaki, his personality, and his neediness. The fondness in his voice conveys this sentiment, unable to keep the affectionate smile from sneaking in. ]
I coulda tapped out at any time if putting up with your personality was a chore. So I'll accept your thanks, 'cause we've been good to one another. And I'm still here, aren't I? It just means I'll deal with your personality for a thousand lifetimes if I hafta.
[Yep, they've talked about this. Hiyori assumed Jun was making fun of him when he first heard the nicknamed. Maybe he was. Maybe he still is. But now that things are more certain between them now, more intimate, it feels more like a term of endearment than ever. Like a name he wants to wear with pride.
Even if he can't resist returning Jun's teasing.]
You know calling me "princess" takes on a completely different meaning now that we're lovers, right?
[He draws out the L-word as part of their teasing.]
It's like Jun-kun's saying he wants to be my prince! Or perhaps my knight in shining armor. Is that why you've been acting so smooth lately? ♪
[His smirk grows more pronounced. But then he admits:]
It's a bit ironic, when I'm the one who's more prince-like onstage. I'm sure all our fans would agree! But I guess I don't mind if Jun-kun wants to slay dragons for me. Having someone like that around is useful ♪
[But even if Jun fails to be useful, he still won't throw him away.
... even though he threatened to in the beginning.
This is the closest he's ever come to apologizing for that, or for some of his other nastiness. Jun's pointed out that he has a bad personality before. And it's not like he disagrees, despite his ego. There are things you don't say, things you don't do, when you're part of a noble family. His upbringing was strict. He was taught good manners. He worked hard to repress all the ugly thoughts he had. Then it was like a dam burst, and as soon as he was out of his family's reach, he just couldn't stop voicing them. But that's fine, right? He's someone important, so he can treat those beneath him however he wants.
Or so he thought, but that sort of self-serving attitude isn't really any different from the one Tatsumi was fighting, is it? The one that made Jun-kun's life miserable.
It's odd and uncomfortable. Feeling this pang of guilt over something he didn't used to feel bad about. But Jun doesn't see a problem. Jun smiles at him earnestly and tells him he's a good person. Because he "accepted him." As though that was some huge hardship.
But it makes sense for Jun to see him that way. As the kind-hearted savior Hiyori positioned himself as. Jun doesn't know what he was like before they met. What he and Eichi-kun did to the "Five Oddballs."
... Or what he did with Eichi's money.
That's not even something he normally feels bad about: using money to woo girls he'd forget by the morning. It's not like he hurt anyone. They were using him, too, of course. But it's something he's been forced to reflect on, thanks to this place. When he thinks about it now, he's not exactly proud of himself. He'd be embarrassed if Jun found out. But of course Jun doesn't know about that, either.
There's no two ways about it. He was pretty unpleasant back then. Still...
He was given a second chance, in the form of the person sitting next to him. A chance to start over from the bottom and become someone different. Which he did. And isn't that worth cherishing? Jun wasn't put off by his bad personality—he's happy to put up with him forever. That makes Hiyori very fortunate. And he would rather celebrate his good fortune than linger on the past, so that's exactly what he'll do.]
Well, I haven't been stabbed yet. Even though, as Jun-kun said, I have that personality.
[He smirks again, remembering what Jun said in the past.]
So, since I've still got a thousand lifetimes left to live, I'll just work extra hard to cherish Jun-kun during all those years. That should more than make up for all the rude things I've said!
[He reaches for both of Jun's hands this time. There will definitely be more rude words; he's himself, after all. But no more threats of abandonment or jokes about throwing Jun away. That's what he quietly decides.
And it's not like he was kidding about cherishing Jun, either. Because, as he says next:]
Jun-kun was kind enough to accept me with his whole heart. So the least I can do, as his partner, is to accept every last bit of him.
[He squeezes Jun's hands.]
Okay? ♪
Edited (geez sorry I can't html) 2024-07-30 20:56 (UTC)
[ Maybe now it means something more. At the start it wasn’t, only a nickname to poke fun. But hasn’t it turned into more of a term of endearment? Hiyori’s still the same selfish, needy princess who has a hold on him. Subconsciously, Jun knows he’s been endeared from the moment they met.
Does it? He’s not too sure it can take on another meaning. Especially when said by the person who never even knew Jun was poking fun at him. Even with the teasing, he shakes his head. ]
Well, I’m not tryna say I wanna be a prince. Maybe I’m better off suited sticking to what I already know. ‘Sides I dunno what you’re talking ‘bout! I’m not acting “smooth.” I wanna be a good boyfriend ♪ or lover, partner and whatever else you wanna call us.
[ Seeing that for yourself is something he hasn’t quite seen. What does acting smooth mean? Jun doesn’t think he’s been acting any different, considering the relationship between them isn’t any different than how they’d act back home. (Except now they hold hands, kiss and do other acts in the comfort of their bed.) ]
“Prince-like”? Ohii-san, I’m sorry to say you don’t act like that at all. [ He doesn’t sound sorry about it. ] If that’s what you want ♪ It’ll be like a video game where I save you from a burning castle! But the reason it’s burning is ‘cause of the dragon. ‘Course I’m useful! You’re still a shitty noble who can’t do anything in his own!
[ Yeah, you gave him this idea Hiyori! And he’s teasing about the last part, knowing Hiyori is capable of doing things on his own, but he sure doesn’t act like he can.
The silence between them lingers, not as if it’s uncomfortable. There’s some things you don’t ask, and that’s what matters most. The self-serving attitude of his hasn’t changed, though Jun realises now part of Hiyori has changed. Even Jun himself has! But it doesn’t make sense for him to pry into the life Hiyori led in Yumenosaki. Sure, he’s curiously been wanting to know! Most of all, he’s curious about why anyone would want to come from that school into the hell that was once Reimei.
… not that he knows anything about the War or anything else. Jun had been fighting his own battles, with Tatsumi-senpai leading the fight. Would he still like Hiyori if he knew the truth? That Hiyori was the sort of person with the same attitude they were fighting against? Perhaps it’s better not to know.
Besides, Jun hadn’t pictured Hiyori as a saviour type. Even if he was “saved” by the very same person. In all seriousness, wasn’t it Tatsumi-senpai who saved Jun first? Talking to his senpai, no matter how brief it may have been, no matter if Tatsumi doesn’t believe he was able to save himself… Without his guidance, Jun would not have survived. (Not that he knows Kaname spoke to the Specials, also wanting to keep Jun out of trouble.)
It’s easier to think about Tatsumi, who is still there, who talks to Jun about regrets and recalls their time together as friends. Kaname? Not so much. He can’t place a finger on it. And figure out why HiMERU won’t acknowledge him, or rather, pretends as if their time at Reimei was nonexistent.
Would he fault Hiyori for spending money on girls to fill some time and void in his life? Wouldn’t that be hypocritical of him to do? Hiyori was unpleasant, rude and got on his nerves constantly. But he grew to love the last person he ever thought he could.
And for that reason alone makes how they came together worth all the hardships. ]
Well, I’m still pretty impressed! I bet there’s a buncha people out there you’ve annoyed with that sorta personality of yours!
[ It’s been so long since Jun said that he almost forgot. The offer still stands, even as Hiyori reaches for his hands. The feeling is warm, different from the conversation they had only a couple of minutes ago. One day Jun might spill more, really delve deeper into his psyche, but for now he’s content. ]
Saying something like that doesn’t make it any better. I don’t really think much ‘bout what you said back then… I’ve moved on, ‘cause I wouldn’t be here if you seriously meant what you said.
[ Isn’t that right? Hiyori could have thrown him away, abandoned him when he needed his partner most. Still, he didn’t do that. When Jun was at his lowest ready to take on Jin, Hiyori was there acting as a shining light in the dirty, dingy alley he thought he inhabited. Now their life together couldn’t be any different. ]
You’re still gonna be rude sometimes, but it’s part of your personality that makes you Ohii-san. My Ohii-san, the one I’m gonna cherish forever! Who’ll always be there in my heart ♪
[ He squeezes back, smiling for the first time in a while. ]
Okay! I’m not forcing you to accept all of me, just if you wanna.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[He muses out loud. Of course, he doesn't understand the proprietress's perspective; he doesn't know what she considers interesting and what she considers boring. They're still in the "getting to know each other" stage! But,]
I'm sure my life would be considered boring compared to some people here. I've never journeyed across different worlds, been given a powerful god's blessing, or defeated an evil villain with magic. But to someone who considers all those things to be "normal," my life must surely sound abnormal. And to someone who's curious about nobility, or about the dazzling world of idols, my history might just sound like a dream come true to them.
[He's sure the same applies to Jun.
... well, not the "dream come true" part. Jun's upbringing wasn't a dream come true no matter how you look at it. But someone who's curious about the customs in their world, or about the world of idols, would surely find something in his memories to interest them.
But does either one of those apply to her? If he had to guess what the proprietress was after...
He doesn't theorize about that out loud. Jun tells him to "give him a minute," and he falls quiet. He looks thoughtful until Jun brings the tea over, at which point he smiles.]
Good service as usual. You haven't gotten rusty at serving me tea, which is good ♪
[He takes a very small sip of his tea, careful not to burn his mouth, before setting the cup back down.]
I hope when we leave here, we get to bring some of our possessions back. Like this cup, for instance. Or those adorable plushies we won from the arcade! Though if not, I guess I can always have you win me another one.
[But enough off-topic chatter.
They get back to the memory discussion after that. As a matter of fact, Hiyori would like to hear about the formation of Eve from Jun's perspective. But he did already hear Jun talk about it during SS last year. And he doesn't appreciate being called stupid, either! Then again, he's always been someone who acts frivolous on purpose, so "stupid" isn't an unreasonable assumption. (At least he understands how metaphors work.) He won't bother to get offended. Instead he smiles and answers in affirmative when Jun makes that last suggestion.]
That sounds good to me. We'll fulfill the task that way, and I'll also get to learn more about something precious to me.
[Or someone precious. His fingers reach for his pen again, and he waits for Jun.]
I'm ready whenever you want to start.
no subject
Perhaps someone here might be curious about the intricacies of being a Noble. Still, for Jun, it's not exactly a dream come true, at least not to the same degree as it is for Hiyori, though he keeps that view to himself.
He smiles at the compliment on the good service, shaking his head slightly. Of course, he'll never, ever forget how Hiyori enjoys his tea. That memory was practically seared into his mind. ]
Mhm, I kinda hope they'll send us home with 'em! But if not, I'll win you a buncha plushies to make up for the ones left behind ♪
[ The casual, off-topic chatter helps Jun relax as he recalls why they are here. While Eve, from his perspective, could make an interesting memory, he'll worry about that later. For now, Jun will start at the beginning, recounting events as far back as he can remember. Notably, he never considered Hiyori to be truly stupid! Only an idiot for reasons he'll delve into once the memory leads them there. ]
Right, so I'll get started! Thanks for being patient.
[ It's helped alleviate some fears, mostly getting started on which memory to begin with. ]
Most my memories from bein' some snot-nose kid're still pretty hazy. But my earliest memory has gotta be watching Sagami Jin's idol videos for the first time, 'cause I watched 'em thinking, "I wanna be like this sorta guy on a stage, bringing cheer to fans and making 'em happy!" Like the sorta guy I thought my old man was before I figured out all he did was lie. It was weird, y'see... Back then, my parents were all over me and kept meddling with my life. Honestly, I never had any choice in it. It's kinda like I didn't have a chance the moment I was born, 'cause my parents wanted me to become like my old man from the very start.
[ He shifts uncomfortably on the couch, taking an intake of breath. ]
But when I was old enough, there was no doubt I wanted to be an idol. Outta my own violation, not from anyone brainwashing me into thinking that's what I wanted. I did some research and went and talked to some people who shared the same dream as me. And that's when I finally found out that my old man wasn't some admirable or grand idol like I'd been led to believe.
[ The last and only time he'd ever spoken about this was to Hokuto, and not even Jun could think why he'd told the idol from Trickstar his life story. ]
I asked them, y'know? An innocent question 'bout what I found out. All I wanted was for them to deny it, and tell me those're all lies. But you wanna know what they did? Well, they flew into a rage. I loved them, y'see, as any kid would! But my question hit some sorta nerve and that was it. The bubble I'd surrounded myself in was all wrong and my entire world shattered.
[ Leaning forward a touch, he reaches for the cup to take a quick sip of tea. His voice went from clear to shaky, there's a hint of anger underneath the words. But most of all, there's sheer disappointment. ]
My old man blabbered on 'bout some nonsense and my mother cried. It wasn't a happy memory, 'cause all she did was cry whenever I saw her. Like it was all my fault for finding out the truth, or maybe it was why they'd lied to me all this time. I dunno, Ohii-san, she tried her best to believe those lies, but part of me thinks my mother felt bad for lying. Ever since that day she wound up emotionally unstable and broke down in tears all the damn time.
.. didja want me to keep going? I'm not done just yet, but I dunno how much you wanna hear, 'cause it's what you'd call unhappy.
[ He looks over to Hiyori then, trying not to keep track of how much he's been writing, or if he's been writing everything down. It's better not to think much about it for the time being. ]
no subject
But now onto the memory-sharing.
Jun begins discussing his early childhood, and Hiyori sits politely and listens. The memory he starts off with consists of him... watching a Jin Sagami video. Of course, that would be one of his earliest memories. While other kids watched P*kemon and Dor*emon, Jun-kun watched Jin Sagami perform. And his thoughts during that time were surprisingly pure. He didn't become an idol out of "revenge" on behalf of his dad, or anything like that. Even back then, he wanted to make people smile.
Though it's sad to think his parents gave him no choice in the matter. Just like Nagisa-kun, Jun's path in life was decided from an early age. It's something Hiyori can't relate to personally, seeing as his older brother got all the responsibilities associated with being an heir heaped on him. Still, Jun wanted to become an idol for his own reasons, too. He truly was inspired by those Jin videos; watching and learning from them wasn't something he hated. That makes things better, doesn't it?
But he knows enough to know that the story of Jun's childhood isn't about to take a positive turn. And sure enough, it doesn't.
Uncharacteristically quiet, Hiyori takes in the whole story without interrupting. Sitting it out through Jun's pauses, waiting for him to sip tea. He doesn't actually use the pen he's holding. Nor does he break eye contact. But his eyes do become overcast as Jun talks about his parents flying into a rage and his mother crying. His lips thin out, expression somber rather than cheerful.
Even adults can have inner turmoil and carry bitter regrets. But to burden a child with those feelings, and to lash out all because he asked a simple question...
There's a short pause after Jun's question at the end. But he does his best to respond without sounding too heavy.]
I guess that depends on what you want. That probably was enough detail. But if you're "not done yet," then it sounds like maybe you should go on.
[He smiles. It's small, and there might be something a little sad about the look in his eyes. But it's meant to be encouraging and to show he's unbothered.]
You don't have to hold back for fear of depressing me. I'm someone who always stays bright and cheerful, just like the sun. Remember?
1/2
Picking up on how quiet Hiyori's been, Jun appreciates not being interrupted or asked a thousand questions about his past. The painful memories of his difficult childhood still linger deep within, triggering a visceral reaction as he nears the end of this traumatic period. Does he want pity when he can barely tolerate it? The parents he loved never loved him back, viewing him merely as a means to an end. (Or a means for revenge.)
Did his parents regret how bitter they once were? Did they regret treating their son this way? Those are valid thoughts—ones Jun's still unsure about. Now he wonders if he never asked the question, just how different his childhood may have been. ]
Uh, sure, but I'd rather not depress you. I'll try and not hold back, alright?
[ He nods, eyes narrowing as he looks on with a sombre expression. While trying not to read too much into the hint of sadness, he'll continue until it becomes too much or he's done. Whichever comes first. ]
Right, as I was saying, my parents, or maybe it was my old man's idea. I dunno who's idea it was, but after confronting 'em, they'd force me inside and into watching more and more of Sagami Jin's old videos. I never thought much 'bout it when I was a kid, but the older I got, the more I started seeing things for what they were. Maybe it's all my fault, 'cause I did something that pissed 'em off and instead of apologising, I sat there and took all the shouting and yelling at face value.
[ And it's enough to ruin any kid. ]
But instead, I was forced to come home straight from school and wasn't allowed to own anything non-idol related. For a kid, that'd shatter their entire world, but after the yelling, nothing really surprised me. I think it must've been 'round the time my father thought it'd be a good idea to train me into some sorta weapon to take down Sagami Jin. Or maybe the idea was already planted before I'd been born. I never asked again, y'see... I figured it was too late to ask, and those were some pretty heavy questions, and I'd already pissed 'em off.
[ After being shown videos of Jin, the seeds were already planted and trained to take him down, though he only realised this later. ]
Honestly, I remember feeling pretty anxious while locked up and being forced to watch those videos I loved as a kid. Those were meant to be my "happy" memories, but they soon turned into "bad" memories. Every kid deserves a happy childhood; at least I tried telling myself I did. After that, I wasn't allowed any freedom; they were on my back 'bout every little thing. I had to go home right after school, forced into training and it wasn't as if I started resenting idols.. I think I began resting myself, which sounds messed up, right?
[ And that's when he recalls despising the world around him and "authority" figures. ]
Kids're meant to play with other kids, enjoy their freedom and run 'round 'til they grow tired or skin their knees, but not for me. I had no choice but to watch the same damn videos day in and day out 'til my old man was satisfied. But my experience was something near damn close to what you'd call "house arrest," and I hate how I felt more than anything. My mother wasn't stable enough, my dad lost the plot, and I was a kid lookin' after myself. And now, the more I look at it, the more it seems like I shoulda done something.
2/2
Maybe fight for me to get outta my shitty home, maybe did something different or told my old man exactly where to shove it. But I couldn't, Ohii-san, 'cause the same, messed-up part of me still loved 'em. For the parents who never allowed me to own anythin' but those stupid Sagami Jin videos, they expected too much outta me and I'd say it's a miracle I'm here.
[ It's long-winded; he's been talking non-stop for a couple of minutes, but as much as Jun's memory allows, he's done. ]
I was angry, Ohii-san, I hated my parents and felt guilty for hating 'em. What the hell was I meant to do, anyway? Thank 'em for bringing me into the world, or praise 'em for locking me in some room for hours? I know better now, and all I can offer 'bout my childhood are unhappy memories.
[ He's uncomfortable, and it shows, in the way his gaze darts from Hiyori back to an interesting spot on the couch. But there is a relief of "coming clean" about his childhood to someone important, even if the memory may or may not be used for nefarious purposes. ]
1/2
... even when the story is something gloomy like this.
Nothing comes as a huge shock. At least not really. It's all stuff he already had an inkling about. Jun's talked about his dad and his messed-up childhood before: how his father was defeated by Jin but couldn't move on from it, how he attempted to pass down his hatred to Jun, how Jun trained relentlessly to become an idol under his stead. "He's the guy who killed my old man" was something Jun said on the very day he moved into Hiyori's dorm room, after all. And the tale only grew sadder from there. Forced to bear the burden of his father's bitter regrets and vengeful loathing, Jun was deprived of the fun and freedom that normal children were allowed. This isn't news.
It doesn't make it any less sad to hear the details, though. He's unable to keep smiling for long; the best he can hope for is a neutral face, but even that's hard to maintain in the face of what he's hearing. To think that Jun—his Jun—was treated that poorly...
Something churns in his gut other than just sadness. A hot, bubbling feeling like something boiling inside him. He's angry on Jun's behalf, not that that does any good. That's something he hasn't always felt; he knew how bad things were between them, yet somewhere in his heart he always hoped that Jun and his family would reconcile. He just couldn't shake the feeling, however naive, that families ought to stick together and love each other. The video from Project Saga, where Jun's father congratulated him on his accomplishments, made him think things weren't entirely beyond repair. But now, listening to this...
He just can't wish for such a happy outcome. Not unless Jun receives a proper apology first.]
2/2
But it doesn't make any sense for someone as "bright as the sun" to walk around (or sit around) with a shadow hanging over their face. As Jun reaches the end, he sounds in need of guidance. "What the hell was I meant to do?" he asks. A rhetorical question, but also an expression of frustration and a plea for understanding. In any case, Hiyori knows what to do: focus on Jun's goodness, rather than any depressing stuff.]
I'm glad you do know better. Since neither I nor someone else could ever expect you to do either of those things.
[He manages to smile just as he did last time. Perhaps his words will sound like platitudes, but they're coming straight from the heart. Just like most of his words to Jun-kun, these days.]
You never asked to be born, or to have that miserable childhood. But all I can say is I'm immensely glad you were born. If it's a "miracle" that brought you this far, then I'm glad for that miracle. After all, as long as you're alive, you can always make new memories. Find new dreams to chase, find people who love you like family...
[He trails off for a moment, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Slightly sad, but affectionate. And not "depressed."]
It won't make up for all that went wrong in the past. But it's a start, at least.
no subject
Jun wondered if an apology from his parents could fix everything, but the logical part of his brain knew it might be too late for that. After all, the role of parents is to see their children's flaws and provide the love and care they need. Due to his troubled upbringing, Jun had grappled with complex, conflicting feelings of love and resentment— until he met Hiyori. ]
Well, I appreciate knowing you'd never expect anythin' like that from me.
[ Despite Hiyori's assurances that it would be fine, part of Jun still feels guilty. Even the fleeting sight of a shadow cast over him feels off. Hiyori warmth and radiance, shining like the sun, should stay this way forever. ]
But I'm glad I was born, despite my crappy childhood and having parents who didn't give a damn. And I mean, we've got our makeshift family in Eden, so you guys are pretty important to me now. 'sides Mary's our little girl, and memories like that'll stick with me forever.
[ Having Hiyori listen, pay attention and say reassuring words as he's gone into greater detail about his past has been worth getting this off his chest. Rarely spoken beyond what he's said to Hiyori, those bitter regrets and vengeful loathing are memories no child should ever have to bear the burden of. ]
Nothing ever makes up for what happened, but I'm not boutta let my past ruin my future. I think my being here, and not giving up proved as much.
no subject
He's not sure which it is. All he knows is that the look on Jun's face seems almost guilty. Which doesn't make any sense, since none of this was Jun's fault. If that is what Jun's feeling, though, Hiyori will just have to help him get past it. It's a fine line to walk, figuring out how to raise Jun's spirits without glossing over all the struggles he's been through. But, as Jun's partner and Eden's (un)official moodmaker, if anyone can manage, it should be Hiyori.]
Mm ♪
[He hums his agreement, though it's just a little subdued, his smile still a bit sad. They haven't seen Mary in months at this point, and her name is a sharp tug at his heartstrings.]
... honestly, I wouldn't have thought we'd end up such a happy family. Ibara seemed awfully shady when he first approached me and Nagisa-kun. And he was always saying things like, "Here at CosPro, we strive to keep our personal and professional lives separate."
[Yep. Let's blame it all on Ibara. The truth is that Hiyori's only prior experience with an idol unit was the absolute farthest thing from a "happy family." Even though he had the most normal childhood of anyone in Eden, he still didn't know how to go about building a unit into a family. But he's all smiles as he thinks back on their beginnings now.]
But I'm glad Eden's become a place where you can feel at home. And I'm just as glad that I got to see Jun-kun grow stronger and stronger. Like a lotus flower, Jun-kun can bloom beautifully no matter how muddy the water. That's something that's bound to inspire others.
[Perhaps it'll even inspire the proprietress.
... he just wishes Jun's environment hadn't been quite so muddy. That he'd been nurtured and cared for properly instead of being dragged through the mud. But oh well. There's no changing the past, sadly.]
no subject
Hiyori already knows Jun's father was a failed idol and that Jun harboured a grudge against Sagami Jin. But Jun has never discussed these topics as openly as he did today. Now, his past actions—the anger and roughness when they first met, yet the underlying kindness—hopefully begin to make more sense.
Even at his lowest moments, Jun knows his partner is there, rallying everyone. Though Nagi-senpai once steered Hiyori away when he was spiralling, that support now feels as present as ever. ]
Honestly, I was nervous thinking 'bout it. Being 'round Nagi-senpai and Ibara made me feel intimidated, 'cause half the time I didn't know what Ibara was going on about. And Nagi-senpai was so cool... But you were the person who helped me, and I gotta say it sucked being away from you at the start.
[ The start means when Ibara came into their practice room, pulling Hiyori away and leaving Jun by himself. ]
Ibara called me his "soulmate," which I thought was real weird. This guy who barely knew me was acting all buddy-buddy and he couldn't remember my name half the time. But I'd met Ibara before that, 'cause he almost ran me over one time.
[ Or his driver did, but details! Everything is Ibara's fault! When in doubt, we blame Ibara.
For Jun, whose family never brought him joy, Eden felt like a welcome respite. Though their personalities differed, they had forged an unlikely family bond. However, when thoughts trickle about Mary, his heart sinks, knowing he shouldn't mention her, but it's the truth. ]
You think so? I'm gonna keep growing stronger, like the lotus flower we found together. But I'd rather not speak 'bout my past to just anyone. You already know the details of how my old man had a rivalry with Sagami Jin, yet 'Sazanami,' well, the name was pretty tainted. Part of me thinks if you'd known, there's not a chance you woulda picked me.
[ And sometimes the question sits heavy on his shoulders, not daring to ask the same as he had with his father. ]
no subject
So Jun-kun was already that attached to me, hmm? ♪ That makes you sound almost like Mary!
[Yep. Jun already brought him up, so now it's his turn to mention her. Mary had a hard time adjusting to her new life at Reimei, howling all night when they first brought her home. And then shortly growing clingy and sad whenever she was separated from her owners. Although Hiyori was just teasing, it's not a bad analogy. "A dirty stray dog in an alleyway" is how Jun described himself at one point.
Like Mary, though, Jun is better at dealing with other people than he used to be. He seems to get along well with others, at home and at the resort—a fact Hiyori is glad for, even if it also spikes his jealousy. But if there's a part of him that misses the time when he was the only one Jun felt comfortable around, it's more than made up for by their new level of closeness. Right now, he's the only one Jun kisses and holds, the one who has Jun's love, and the one Jun calls his "partner." That's good enough for him.
But back to the other Eden members.]
Hm? That's how you met?
[His eyebrows lift.]
He needs to work on his first impressions. He was being driven around when he met me and Nagisa-kun, too. He said he'd been scouting us for months, which would be flattering, except the way he talked sounded so shady and self-important! I'm guessing he also handed you his business card, right? And you must have thought to yourself, "What sort of kid my own age has a business card?"
[Sorry, Ibara. But in spite of all the dunking, Hiyori looks fond.]
But I guess he's always treated you differently. With me and Nagisa-kun, we were more like "assets" he wanted to invest in. But you must have seemed more like a kindred spirit ♪ Perhaps it's because you're the same age, or because of your past experiences. Ibara's been through a lot himself, after all. Though I'd say he's more like a rose covered in thorns than a lotus flower...
[That'll be the last thing he says about Ibara for a bit. His thoughts shift abruptly at the end, when Jun mentions the possibility that he wouldn't have picked him up if he'd known—a possibility Hiyori's mind instantly rejects. He shakes his head at the thought.]
There's no need to be so cynical. In the first place, the name "Sazanami" wouldn't have meant anything to me.
[Since he didn't even know who Jin was until Jun explained it.]
But even if I had known the full story, I still would've picked Jun-kun. After all, if I'd realized your name was "tainted," that would've made you seem even more resilient. Between being a Non-Special Student and bearing a name that lives in infamy, you had every reason in the world to quit trying to be an idol. Yet still you persisted. That shows a great deal of resolve, doesn't it? And that's exactly the sort of quality I'd want to have in a partner.
[Fortunately, he has a good eye for these things. And fortunately, he chose Jun-kun. As he told Jun in an earlier text conversation, he's glad he made that decision, and it shows in the warm smile he wears now.]
no subject
[ But the answer is written plainly across his face - the way the blush darkens, the fondness in his voice. It's true, Jun was already attached, just as Mary was with them. Being separated from Hiyori felt wrong, as if something were missing. This was the first time he'd never wanted to be apart from someone.
He used to struggle with dealing and talking to people, but that changed thanks to Hiyori. Perhaps meeting Tatsumi-senpai helped too, but Hiyori was the one who truly changed the trajectory of his life. Back then, Hiyori was the only one he felt comfortable around, even joking about his shitty personality among other things. And whenever he heard Hiyori's laughter from the Third-Year classrooms, it soothed him, knowing his partner was never far away. By that time, he may have already fallen in love, though the verdict's still unsure about it. But he knows this for certain: Hiyori will be the only person he ever loves.
Talking about how they met Ibara is amusing, knowing they both met him under similar circumstances. Except Jun wasn't being scouted for anything, and maybe Ibara was there for other reasons. (Perhaps to meet Tatsumi-senpai, "HiMERU" or someone else.) ]
Yeah, he's always been shit at those, hasn't he? But I mean, if he'd been scouting you guys for months, Ibara must've had a reason. And pretty sure he still talks all shady and self-important, but guess business guys gotta do business. Huh, that's weirdly accurate. I wanted to tear the business card up, 'cause I thought him handing me one was a big joke. I guess Ibara handed you and Nagi-senpai one, too?
[ Why a sixteen-year-old had business cards, Jun will never know. And a handful of them, not to mention the car he was being driven around in! ]
You think he does? I thought he was shady as hell, so I dunno why he'd think of me as some "kindred spirit" or why he'd think I'd be happy being 'round someone like him. But now I think 'bout it more, I guess I ended up thinking of Ibara as a friend.
[ But now he knows more about flowers, he nods towards the meaning. Jun wishes his mind wouldn't have gone there, to think of his "tainted" name and the struggles he went through because of it. To think if Hiyori had known, perhaps if Ibara had ever known, where he'd currently be. (Definitely not kidnapped in a sex casino.) ]
I know it's easy for you to say! But it's just... like I couldn't have gone through meeting you and all, and you asking me to form a unit, then have you find out 'bout my name and give up. Everything coulda gone wrong, Ohii-san, but none of it did. I'm not someone who gives up, even when stuff starts looking bleak. I'm flattered to hear that's the quality you were looking for, and it kinda got me thinking maybe you saw something in me no one else did. And, well, I'll never know, but it's like I was a real brat before we met and I sorta was after you took me in.
[ And "sorta" is an understatement, but he is the most fortunate person in the world. ]
When I enrolled at Reimei, I thought I knew everything. I didn't wanna listen to authority, I got my ass kicked my first day and got suspended. But I'm here, proof your hard work didn't go to waste. I seriously didn't squander the chance, so thanks for believing in me from the start.
[ The name "Sazanami" might still be tainted, but it's one he's made his own now. And it must count for something, meeting the warm smile with one of his own. ]
no subject
I'm pretty sure he was scouting us for the same reason CosPro formed Eden: to conquer the industry and make a profit! If it's talent you want, it only makes sense to turn to me and Nagisa-kun ♪ And he also said something about how "when God shuts one door, he opens another," though we were both too baffled to really puzzle out what that meant by that. Anyway, yep, he handed us his business card! It was a completely different sort of "card exchange" than the one they're so obsessed with here.
[God only knows what Ibara would think of that card exchange.
In response to the friend comment, Hiyori smiles gleefully.]
Yes, you two seem like great friends nowadays! Even Kohaku-kun could see it ♪
[Referring to something that happened at the hotel in Kyushu shortly before their arrival.
There's more that he could say about Ibara, who had a hellish childhood, and why he might relate to Jun. But he refrains; it would all be speculation, and in any case, hearing Jun's thoughts on the early days of their partnership distracts him. "Maybe you saw something in me that no one else did, huh...?"
He waits for Jun to finish, his gaze contemplative. Honestly, he didn't know the details of Jun's first year at Reimei; he heard bits and pieces here and there, but hearing that Jun was suspended on the first day is a new one. There's probably a lot else he doesn't know. Still, those days are history. ... unless there's something from that time that Jun wants to share.
At last, he softly replies:]
Jun-kun was cheeky, alright. And he got cheekier and cheekier over time. But at the same time, I was glad Jun-kun had grown comfortable enough to voice his true feelings and thoughts—even when those thoughts were so rude.
[The last word takes on an exasperated tinge, but he's smiling.]
I might be one of the first to see Jun-kun's good points, but I know I'm not the only one nowadays. Now everyone can see it—our fans, our other friends, even the people we've met here. I guess I'm the one who brought you into the light, though, where everyone could see. So if you want to thank me for that, I'll gladly accept your thanks. And in return, I'll thank you for helping me with this memory task!
... you are comfortable with me sharing what you said earlier, right? I know it was rather personal.
no subject
To make a profit...? So, he'd seen you and Nagi-senpai back at Yumenosaki? Hmm, guess talent is all that matters to him, huh? Plus, Ibara's got eyes everywhere, so there's no wonder he found you and Nagi-senpai. Well, I'd hope it'd be a different card exchange, 'cause I'm pretty sure Ibara's not into, uh, you know!
[ Sex, debauchery, and everything leading up to it! ]
Sakura-kun just needed my help, Ohii-san! That doesn't mean much...
[ Don't call him out on the friendship thing! He could've easily contacted Hiyori, but perhaps since he and Kohaku are roommates, it was easier to contact him.
Jun doesn't know too much about Ibara's past, only about his military background, unaware of how much trauma their fellow unit member has endured.
Maybe if Eden talked about their trauma!!!But when Hiyori found him, he'd been at the lowest of the lows, and still to this day, Jun had no idea how Hiyori found him in the first place. No other Special bothered with Non-Specials unless you were Tatsumi-senpai. (And look how well that went for him!)So, he figures it may have been something Hiyori saw in him, even though most of his life was spent training to become an idol, his voice wasn't at its most potential until after Hiyori trained him. So, what could it have been? He has never discussed his first year in such detail as he has now; he can still vividly recall the first day. He could... always share more. Nothing's stopping him from doing so, right? The talk about his father opened the floodgates and even mentions of Reimei...
He feels conflicted, the expression showing momentarily while he listens to Hiyori right as he finishes. ]
Well, I never woulda spoken to a Special like I did 'round you. So, when you asked me to give you a nickname, I guess that's when things changed between us. I'd never really felt comfortable 'round anyone, but I could be myself in our space. And I was still pretty afraid you'd throw me out, so I acted all weirdly polite.
[ Just as he said, before Hiyori mentioned already being fond of him. But Jun was plenty cheeky back then, something he wouldn't have done if Hiyori hadn't picked him up. ]
... thanks for putting up with me being rude and uneducated and, well, everything else. I'd say you're the one who brought me into the light. If we never met, I never woulda imagined what it'd be like to experience the warmth and happiness I feel now. It's.. 'cause, I didn't know anything 'bout love. But, Ohii-san, you were the one who showed me I'm someone worth giving a damn about. So I'm saying thank you for both of those things. I'm grateful we met and pleased we're here.
And yeah, you can share the info.. if you want. As long as it stays between us three now, and 'sides, I've got plenty of other personal stuff I can share! And just with you, no one else.
[ Which doesn't have to be today, tomorrow, or even next week. He does trust Hiyori enough to keep his secrets safe, no matter how far he delves into his past. ]
no subject
[All completely normal things to do in the world of idols. If you're Ibara, that is.
Anyway, that's all he'll say about his time at Yumenosaki for now. He'd rather not go into detail about what ex-fine's performances were like. Just like the rest of Eden, he prefers NOT to talk about the past and any unpleasantness that may have taken place there.
But perhaps he is glad Jun talked to him about his. The fact Jun felt comfortable enough to do that shows trust, and it speaks volumes about the intimacy between them. Real intimacy—not the House's fake version.
It's something they've all built in Eden. He's the one who's closest to Jun-kun, of course. But Jun-kun is friends with Ibara, and even he and Nagisa-kun seem to be getting along well nowadays. Hiyori laughs to himself as Jun bashfully shrugs off the part about Kohaku—who, by the way, is another example of someone Jun's forged a bond with. Someone Jun tries to look out for. How sweet, he'd thought back at the hotel. Jun really has grown a lot.
But he isn't done talking about the past yet, apparently. Reminiscing some more on the early days of their partnership, Jun tells him how he awkward he felt at first, which causes Hiyori to chime in agreement:]
Yep, it was super obvious you were uncomfortable! So I thought the last thing we needed was for you to call me "senpai," all stiff and formal-like. Though I hadn't expected you to give me a nickname like that...
[A pun on his name, and one that means "princess." They've had that conservation before. But then Jun's next words make him pause, rather than continue talking about the nickname.
His smile turns a little lopsided. "I was afraid you'd throw me out," Jun says. And his instinctive response, of course, is to ask "Whatever made you think that?" But he doesn't ask that. Because it's not like he doesn't know. Jun just gave him plenty of solid reasons for why he might have been trained to expect the worst, and why he might suffer from low self-esteem.
And it's not like Hiyori did much to convey the message that he wouldn't throw Jun away. On the contrary, didn't he used to joke that he would do that if Jun displeased him?
His lips thin out, teeth sinking into his lower one. He'd like to explain that it was just a joke, one he gave up once it became clear enough that he never really meant it to start with. But that hardly seems adequate, especially after what Jun just shared.
Jun at least doesn't linger on that idea. Quite the opposite—he goes on to apologize for not being "educated," to thank Hiyori for bringing him into the light. Which means Hiyori doesn't have to address that part of their past. Something like an apology would feel out-of-place anyway. Or so he thinks, but is that just a convenient excuse he's telling himself...?
There's a conspicuous moment of silence before he finally responds.]
... You're welcome.
[He moves the unused notebook off his lap and sets it on the table. His tea will get cold at this rate. But he doesn't pick that up yet, either.]
Though you don't have to apologize for the holes in your upbringing. That wasn't your fault, just as Nagisa-kun's unfortunate upbringing wasn't his fault.
[Raised in an empty room, raised in a broken household, raised in an orphanage and then a military facility. None of the other members had normal childhoods. It's not their fault they turned out rough around the edges. But what exactly is his excuse for turning out much the same?
The answer to that is simple, he figures. Everyone gets tainted by the world around them. Nagisa, Jun, Ibara, even him. There's no use endlessly berating themselves for it. He'd rather they all loved themselves. And it's with that thought in mind that he looks Jun in the eye and smiles, properly this time.]
But I'll gladly accept Jun-kun's thanks, anyway. Just as long as Jun-kun accepts my thanks for being such a good partner.
[A short pause, and then the corners of his lips tick further upward.]
And for putting up with my personality. Especially back in those days.
no subject
Jun has wanted to open up about his past, even the most difficult details for some time. Despite the pain it may have caused, he feels comfortable enough to discuss his treatment, hoping to demonstrate further the trust they've built.
When Hiyori mentions Jun's stiffness and apparent discomfort during their earliest encounters, Jun smiles fondly. He hadn't anticipated Hiyori would observe and consider the nuances of his behaviour so closely or his mannerisms so thoughtfully. ]
You paid attention to that, huh~? At first, I just thought you didn't want anyone calling you "senpai.". But you're just "Ohii-san" to me, like a seriously fussy, spoiled princess.
[ He knows they've had this conversation before, and he's explained the meaning of "Ohii-san" to others. Jun doesn't expect people to understand! But Hiyori is his fussy, spoiled princess, just as he declared on national television during Bogie Time.
Perhaps it's better not to dwell on the nickname. He's already discussing one of his greatest fears. Or maybe he shouldn't have brought it up at all and waited for another time. Deep down, Jun should have known better or had more confidence that Hiyori wouldn't discard him. But the anxiety, filled with fear, often became too much to bear.
Most of Jun's life was spent with people who treated him as disposable. But with Hiyori, it felt different. He doesn't know if he could have recovered if Hiyori had thrown him away, and that became his biggest fear. Perhaps his greatest regret stemmed from the fact that despite his intense hatred, Hiyori still accepted him. It doesn't make sense, but maybe one day he'll understand. For now, he's content telling Hiyori about his fears.
Hiyori is someone Jun loves deeply and who loves him in return. Surely he'll understand!
Despite Hiyori moving the notebook away and telling him he needn't apologise for his upbringing, the words warm Jun's heart. At that moment, he realises all someone needs is acceptance, just as Hiyori had accepted him from the beginning. After all, everyone is a little "messed up" in their own way, shaped by their differences, upbringing, or the people they've encountered.
But what if things had been different? What if Jun had experienced a normal childhood, never enrolling at Reimei Academy? Would he and Hiyori have ever crossed paths? It was a thought he'd pondered before—that his life might have been better without Reimei. Yet he knew with certainty that he never would have met Hiyori, the person he loves more than anything, someone he loves waking up beside each morning and the person he's offered his heart and soul. ]
I know, but you still accepted me. And you've got no idea how much being accepted means to someone like me. And you accepted Nagi-senpai, too! Ohii-san, you're a good person.
[ He genuinely means those words. To him, Hiyori will always be a good person, despite the events in Yumenosaki, his personality, and his neediness. The fondness in his voice conveys this sentiment, unable to keep the affectionate smile from sneaking in. ]
I coulda tapped out at any time if putting up with your personality was a chore. So I'll accept your thanks, 'cause we've been good to one another. And I'm still here, aren't I? It just means I'll deal with your personality for a thousand lifetimes if I hafta.
no subject
Even if he can't resist returning Jun's teasing.]
You know calling me "princess" takes on a completely different meaning now that we're lovers, right?
[He draws out the L-word as part of their teasing.]
It's like Jun-kun's saying he wants to be my prince! Or perhaps my knight in shining armor. Is that why you've been acting so smooth lately? ♪
[His smirk grows more pronounced. But then he admits:]
It's a bit ironic, when I'm the one who's more prince-like onstage. I'm sure all our fans would agree! But I guess I don't mind if Jun-kun wants to slay dragons for me. Having someone like that around is useful ♪
[But even if Jun fails to be useful, he still won't throw him away.
... even though he threatened to in the beginning.
This is the closest he's ever come to apologizing for that, or for some of his other nastiness. Jun's pointed out that he has a bad personality before. And it's not like he disagrees, despite his ego. There are things you don't say, things you don't do, when you're part of a noble family. His upbringing was strict. He was taught good manners. He worked hard to repress all the ugly thoughts he had. Then it was like a dam burst, and as soon as he was out of his family's reach, he just couldn't stop voicing them. But that's fine, right? He's someone important, so he can treat those beneath him however he wants.
Or so he thought, but that sort of self-serving attitude isn't really any different from the one Tatsumi was fighting, is it? The one that made Jun-kun's life miserable.
It's odd and uncomfortable. Feeling this pang of guilt over something he didn't used to feel bad about. But Jun doesn't see a problem. Jun smiles at him earnestly and tells him he's a good person. Because he "accepted him." As though that was some huge hardship.
But it makes sense for Jun to see him that way. As the kind-hearted savior Hiyori positioned himself as. Jun doesn't know what he was like before they met. What he and Eichi-kun did to the "Five Oddballs."
... Or what he did with Eichi's money.
That's not even something he normally feels bad about: using money to woo girls he'd forget by the morning. It's not like he hurt anyone. They were using him, too, of course. But it's something he's been forced to reflect on, thanks to this place. When he thinks about it now, he's not exactly proud of himself. He'd be embarrassed if Jun found out. But of course Jun doesn't know about that, either.
There's no two ways about it. He was pretty unpleasant back then. Still...
He was given a second chance, in the form of the person sitting next to him. A chance to start over from the bottom and become someone different. Which he did. And isn't that worth cherishing? Jun wasn't put off by his bad personality—he's happy to put up with him forever. That makes Hiyori very fortunate. And he would rather celebrate his good fortune than linger on the past, so that's exactly what he'll do.]
Well, I haven't been stabbed yet. Even though, as Jun-kun said, I have that personality.
[He smirks again, remembering what Jun said in the past.]
So, since I've still got a thousand lifetimes left to live, I'll just work extra hard to cherish Jun-kun during all those years. That should more than make up for all the rude things I've said!
[He reaches for both of Jun's hands this time. There will definitely be more rude words; he's himself, after all. But no more threats of abandonment or jokes about throwing Jun away. That's what he quietly decides.
And it's not like he was kidding about cherishing Jun, either. Because, as he says next:]
Jun-kun was kind enough to accept me with his whole heart. So the least I can do, as his partner, is to accept every last bit of him.
[He squeezes Jun's hands.]
Okay? ♪
no subject
Does it? He’s not too sure it can take on another meaning. Especially when said by the person who never even knew Jun was poking fun at him. Even with the teasing, he shakes his head. ]
Well, I’m not tryna say I wanna be a prince. Maybe I’m better off suited sticking to what I already know. ‘Sides I dunno what you’re talking ‘bout! I’m not acting “smooth.” I wanna be a good boyfriend ♪ or lover, partner and whatever else you wanna call us.
[ Seeing that for yourself is something he hasn’t quite seen. What does acting smooth mean? Jun doesn’t think he’s been acting any different, considering the relationship between them isn’t any different than how they’d act back home. (Except now they hold hands, kiss and do other acts in the comfort of their bed.) ]
“Prince-like”? Ohii-san, I’m sorry to say you don’t act like that at all. [ He doesn’t sound sorry about it. ] If that’s what you want ♪ It’ll be like a video game where I save you from a burning castle! But the reason it’s burning is ‘cause of the dragon. ‘Course I’m useful! You’re still a shitty noble who can’t do anything in his own!
[ Yeah, you gave him this idea Hiyori! And he’s teasing about the last part, knowing Hiyori is capable of doing things on his own, but he sure doesn’t act like he can.
The silence between them lingers, not as if it’s uncomfortable. There’s some things you don’t ask, and that’s what matters most. The self-serving attitude of his hasn’t changed, though Jun realises now part of Hiyori has changed. Even Jun himself has! But it doesn’t make sense for him to pry into the life Hiyori led in Yumenosaki. Sure, he’s curiously been wanting to know! Most of all, he’s curious about why anyone would want to come from that school into the hell that was once Reimei.
… not that he knows anything about the War or anything else. Jun had been fighting his own battles, with Tatsumi-senpai leading the fight. Would he still like Hiyori if he knew the truth? That Hiyori was the sort of person with the same attitude they were fighting against? Perhaps it’s better not to know.
Besides, Jun hadn’t pictured Hiyori as a saviour type. Even if he was “saved” by the very same person. In all seriousness, wasn’t it Tatsumi-senpai who saved Jun first? Talking to his senpai, no matter how brief it may have been, no matter if Tatsumi doesn’t believe he was able to save himself… Without his guidance, Jun would not have survived. (Not that he knows Kaname spoke to the Specials, also wanting to keep Jun out of trouble.)
It’s easier to think about Tatsumi, who is still there, who talks to Jun about regrets and recalls their time together as friends. Kaname? Not so much. He can’t place a finger on it. And figure out why HiMERU won’t acknowledge him, or rather, pretends as if their time at Reimei was nonexistent.
Would he fault Hiyori for spending money on girls to fill some time and void in his life? Wouldn’t that be hypocritical of him to do? Hiyori was unpleasant, rude and got on his nerves constantly. But he grew to love the last person he ever thought he could.
And for that reason alone makes how they came together worth all the hardships. ]
Well, I’m still pretty impressed! I bet there’s a buncha people out there you’ve annoyed with that sorta personality of yours!
[ It’s been so long since Jun said that he almost forgot. The offer still stands, even as Hiyori reaches for his hands. The feeling is warm, different from the conversation they had only a couple of minutes ago. One day Jun might spill more, really delve deeper into his psyche, but for now he’s content. ]
Saying something like that doesn’t make it any better. I don’t really think much ‘bout what you said back then… I’ve moved on, ‘cause I wouldn’t be here if you seriously meant what you said.
[ Isn’t that right? Hiyori could have thrown him away, abandoned him when he needed his partner most. Still, he didn’t do that. When Jun was at his lowest ready to take on Jin, Hiyori was there acting as a shining light in the dirty, dingy alley he thought he inhabited. Now their life together couldn’t be any different. ]
You’re still gonna be rude sometimes, but it’s part of your personality that makes you Ohii-san. My Ohii-san, the one I’m gonna cherish forever! Who’ll always be there in my heart ♪
[ He squeezes back, smiling for the first time in a while. ]
Okay! I’m not forcing you to accept all of me, just if you wanna.