[ He could deny it, but he's been called out already. There's no real point in denying something when it's the truth, despite Jun being defiant in the past. It's written across his face, likely in the same loving-soft look he's giving Hiyori right this second. ]
Mhm, it's real tempting! I'll think 'bout it, alright~? Maybe breaking my routine for a couple of days won't hurt.
[ Even if it's when Jun goes for his morning jogs! Even with the past few months, he hasn't been able to break the routine, even if there's no Mary to take on her morning walks.
But Hiyori's right in assuming an incredulous look, even if it's not what he's met with. It's more confusion than anything else, eyes narrowing as Hiyori's words replay in his head with the equally cute flushed cheeks.
For starters, there's plenty for Jun to "not get"! Sure, Eve plays heavily into fanservice, the feigning touches and fake kisses, but isn't this a step too far? Granted, some might not agree! Fans who enjoy the closeness between them might faint if given an opportunity to watch Eve get to it. Better yet, as an audience member! But the fans here, or the people they might propose to watch, might only receive their card in return. ]
You're, uh, talkin' 'bout the stuff we do in private?
[ Even with the idea planted, it struggles to take hold and make sense in a way Jun understands. Because at the end of the day, they're still idols, even without being offered jobs here, despite Hiyori only stating moments ago. Won't it end their careers if this got out? Sure, Ibara might be able to salvage what little is left, but he can't salvage the part where they allowed people to watch. ]
But I know we wouldn't wanna cheat on each other, 'cause I'd rather die. Though, I'm sorta curious 'bout you knowing this loophole... Who's to say it works? And thinking 'bout people watchin' us... well, it seriously creeps me out.
[ Or, truthfully, makes him feel uncomfortable. Hiyori's the only person he's ever been intimate with, thinking it's still something to be cherished away from curious eyes. ]
'Cause what we do together is meant to be between us, right? Like the thing you say 'bout us bein' in our world of two. And dunno if I can perform, uh, with strangers watching us. I'll probably suffer from real bad stage fright.
[ Even then, Jun is unsure how he truly feels about the performance part. It sounds absurd, it's the truth, but isn't it Jun's own selfish want to keep this particular side of Hiyori to himself? The side no one else gets to see, all for him and no one else. What might happen if anyone else sees Hiyori in such a state? It'll be sure to invite some unnerving feelings.
As they continue exploring their newfound relationship and discovering what they enjoy together, will their feelings for one another change once they've performed these acts for strangers? Or will their feelings last? Jun knows he wants the latter, wanting to protect Hiyori from anyone and everyone, and further wanting to protect their love and hearts. But as it stands, his thoughts are selfish, wanting and wanting and not willing to compromise.
Or, more importantly, isn't it an ache of jealousy he feels whenever Jun truly muses about it? He's felt it before, back during Wonder Game, the agony of something before Nagi-senpai's comment. The throes of jealousy weren't a concept he'd ever felt before, but now, he felt the same sharp, piercing pang in his heart that he couldn't quite come to terms with. ]
It does sound pretty absurd, Ohii-san. 'Cause when it comes down to it, I dunno if I'll be normal 'bout anyone getting to see you the way I do.
[ He's honest about it, despite his mind telling him not to. But he's still selfish, even after Hiyori states he doesn't want to keep things from him because they're partners. Again, it's not about him, but something to ensure neither of them turns to stone. Jun can't accept it, even as Hiyori looks him in the eyes and squeezes his hands. It's comforting, but he'd rather the pangs of jealousy head somewhere else. ]
[He smiles triumphantly when Jun says he'll consider staying in bed longer.]
Nope, it shouldn't hurt at all. The extra sleep might even leave you feeling refreshed and ready to start your next workout~♪
[He won't ask Jun to sleep in with him every morning. Even Hiyori isn't that demanding. But staying in bed together slightly more often would be nice. And it'd give Jun plenty of time to admire his sleeping face!
It'd be nicer than the conversation they're currently having, anyway. That's for sure.
Jun is visibly struggling to wrap his head around things, which Hiyori can't fault him for. He's had more time to think about this than Jun has, turning the "loophole" over in his mind even as he put off discussing things. But here they are, finally talking, and now there's no hiding from all that the idea entails. Yes, he's talking about the stuff they do in private, and yes, they'd get in horrendous amounts of trouble if word ever got out at home. He wants to think the resort exists in its own separate world, that their actions here won't come back to haunt them later. But he doesn't know that for sure, and he isn't even sure that doing this will be enough to satisfy the resort. They could drag their clean images through the mud and still disappear. Which begs the question: is it worth it?
Even Hiyori's not sure. All he knows is that doing nothing to try to protect themselves is making him feel increasingly anxious. But then, if they end up doing it just so he can feel less anxious and it doesn't help protect them, won't that mean they dirtied their images for nothing? Then he'll have to live with the guilt forever.
... no. One thing at a time. He banishes those thoughts and focuses on Jun's first point, which is a valid one: do they even know for sure that the loophole works?]
Well, I guess we don't have proof yet... Although I'm not sure how we would get proof. We could try to survey people, but then we'd just have to take their word for it.
[The unspoken alternative is that they could find out by trial and error. But is Jun even willing to do this? What about him? Is he willing to do it? The latter is a bit complicated, but as for the former...
The vibe he gets is "no." Jun says he finds the idea creepy. Which, well... who could blame him? It is creepy! Hiyori bought that canopy because he didn't like the idea of the House spying. True, being spied on by an unseen evil entity does seem somewhat different from being watched by a fellow guest. But is that a good difference or a bad one? At least an invisible entity is easier to ignore...
"Creepiness" isn't the only hurdle. Jun brings up some more objections after that, and those are also valid points. What they do is just between them, their own "world of two." Jun isn't sure he could, er, "perform" in front of other people, even though he's a performer by trade. But that still makes sense, because this is a very different type of "performance" than what they're used to! And then he brings up a third point, and it's that one which leaves the biggest impact on Hiyori.
"I dunno if I'll be normal 'bout anyone getting to see you the way I do."
At first he just blinks. Then his cheeks start to color more. Not from embarrassment, this time; it's more like he's touched. For all the (very good) reasons not to do this, that was one he'd never considered. But it's Jun who brings it up. And instead of telling him to think about their careers or their images, or how Ibara would kill them, or how it's too weird or too perverted, Jun's chief objection is this: he doesn't want to share him with anyone else. Not even just his faces or reactions; not one single part of him.
This realization leaves a deep impression on him, quieting him for a moment, before he nods.]
... so that's it.
[The smallest of smiles forms on his lips.]
I understand now. Jun-kun wants that side of me all to himself.
[Maybe it's silly for him to be happy. Jun feeling that way makes things harder, after all. But he does feel happy, as well as relieved. The whole reason they were in this mess, Hiyori figured, was because of his selfish love: because he wanted to keep Jun all to himself. Now it turns out Jun felt the same way all along, and it's not just flattering; it's a weight off his chest.
And he was a fool not to consider that Jun might've been the exact same as him. Wasn't he? Because after all,]
I'm the same way.
[He squeezes Jun's hands again, still smiling.]
I don't like the thought of anyone else seeing Jun-kun's cute faces. Jun-kun's face, voice, body, heart and soul all belong to me during those times. Which is exactly how it should be! I do like showing off my cute face, but the way I get with Jun-kun is sort of... well...
[He blushes harder and trails off. There isn't usually a mirror around when he has sex with Jun, but he knows he can't look dignified. He gets embarrassed, his head turns to mush, and he'll hear himself start saying things that sound like nonsense. Like that time at the start of the week, when Jun wore that collar: although he'd meant to stay in control, holding the reins both literally and figuratively, he'd ended up going totally delirious, saying all sorts of things about how Jun was such a good boy, such a good pet, and he was so proud to be Jun's owner, and so on. If anyone had been around to hear, he would've died from embarrassment. Good thing his next Mating Season profile won't make the petplay public knowledge or anything!
So, it's a valid point. On both sides. He doesn't want other people seeing the side of him that only Jun sees, and he doesn't want them seeing the side of Jun that only he brings out. Which means what? It means they can't do this. That's what.
.... or at least...
His expression shifts again, going from embarrassed to contemplative. He speaks slowly.]
You don't want anyone else seeing that side of me, and I don't want anyone else seeing you the same way I do. So, the most sensible thing would be to try and find some other way.
[To protect themselves from disappearing, that is.]
But if Jun-kun is curious, I did just think of two ways this could still work. In theory, anyway. I don't know about in practice. And I certainly don't want either one of us to get hurt. So, if Jun-kun wants me to drop this whole idea because he doesn't like it, I won't say anything more.
[But if he does want him to continue, well... He'd better buckle up, because this is about to get even weirder.]
Just don't hog the blankets next time, Ohii-san. Maybe that'll want me to stay longer!
[ He jokes, throwing a quick jab through the nice part of their conversation. Though Hiyori's not too far off! Seeing his cute, sleeping face each morning is worth getting up for and staying longer in bed for.
It is nicer than the rest of the conversation they're having, anyhow!
Jun is still visibly struggling, trying to wrap his head around the idea without all his feelings bursting out and making a mess of this. He's not looking to belittle Hiyori's idea or whomever pushed the idea onto him, only to get to the bottom of it. If it's indeed the "safer" option, why hasn't anyone else made use of it? His mind won't stop going back to the same point, struggling to comprehend how the loophole might help them in any way.
Now isn't the time to think about how it may harm their careers, and it's not the first point that comes to Jun's mind either. He could rather care less what Ibara may or may not think, knowing it's not any of his business. Even if he's Eden's producer, fellow unitmate, and friend, their relationship doesn't need a third person hovering around. And it's bigger than their fans finding out, sullying their own images for a way out, and expecting their fans to continuously love and support Eden and Eve afterwards. Right now, it's their decision, not to be construed by a third or fourth party. ]
Yeah, guess we don't... But don't want you thinkin' I'm tryna play down your ideas.
[ "Surveying people?" Now, it's a little bit more complicated. Jun figures Hiyori wouldn't want to do this, especially since their room is set up with their own privacy canopy.
But now Hiyori's view has seemed to change, or at least, be semi-open to the idea. From Jun's perspective, anyway. Does Hiyori want to do this? It's difficult to completely read his current expression, not wanting his partner to feel any worse than he does currently with denial. Instead, it's better to focus on the other factors. Sure, Jun still thinks it's creepy—finding someone who wants in and a further look into their private life. Besides, couldn't the potential voyeur request something novel that they haven't yet experienced for themselves? Sure, they're both performances by trade and Jun's rather proud of his ability of improvisation. But performing intimate acts for another party isn't what he had in mind! Even then, it should be both of their decisions, what if Hiyori wants to do this? What right would Jun have to deny him of it?
... not that he believes Hiyori's gung ho about the idea, it's only the hypothetical thoughts where the anxiousness begins to bleed in.
Although they recognise the unsettling creepiness and the implications of what this might bring, Jun ultimately decides against going through with it due to those feelings for Hiyori. While not typically a jealous person, the unwillingness to share even a fraction of Hiyori with anyone else, ultimately wins out. Here he'll at least acknowledge the selfishness of his stance, viewing his sudden possessiveness as an undesirable character flaw, akin to a monstrous impulse.
But to his surprise, Hiyori doesn't see his jealousy as a character flaw. (Why would he, especially when he always claims Jun as his?) Meaning, he shouldn't have thought Hiyori might be turned off by it, he knows that. So, why? ]
... yeah, yeah, that's why, Ohii-san.
[ He finally admits, only looking up once Hiyori admits he's the same way. It's a relief, something he truly should've considered much earlier. Jun's lip curves into a small smile, feeling the weight lifted off, knowing Hiyori feels and wants the same. ]
That's how it feels for me, too. I didn't wanna admit it, 'cause what sorta real person gets jealous 'bout something he's still gonna join in on? But seeing you all flustered, and all the stuff that comes outta your mouth seriously feels good.
[ Including how he acts with Jun, the often delirious state they both end up in. Speaking almost nonsense to one another, all because they're far too intoxicated with one another to think straight. It's something Jun has yet to consider, the way Hiyori acts with him might be unique. Something he certainly hasn't until now, given his partner's answer. Geez, Jun's such an idiot.
He squeezes Hiyori's hands, wanting him to know he's still here, listening to all he has to say. ]
But I get what you're tryna say. It feels a lil' unfair of me, right? You're the one comin' up with all the ideas, and here I am, feeling kinda stuck and useless. I'd never think 'bout hurting Ohii-san, and he wouldn't hurt me. So, I'll suck it up and deal with it, huh?
[ He sounds rather conflicted, wanting to sort this out without hurting one another.
The most sensible idea would be to find another way or a way where they might be able to go through with this but forget about the other party watching. He still doesn't want anyone to see the side of Hiyori he sees, and the side of himself Hiyori sees. It hurts, but with the added reassurance Hiyori feels the same, he's so relieved. ]
I'm not fully on board but just lay it on me. I'll hear ya out, Ohii-san, and we'll decide together. How's that sound?
[Sharing. That's what they've been doing for the bulk of their time here. Sharing a room, sharing a bed, sharing chips and food and other necessities, and sharing information about the resort. Before he knew it, they were sharing just about everything. They really do live in their own "world of two."
Can they really invite other people into that private little world...?
It's hard to decide whether he's open to it or not. In truth, he feels conflicted. He considers it a "lesser evil" compared to playing the game normally, but is there any part of him that truly wants this?
There might be. Deep down inside him, there might be some small, secret part of himself that finds the whole idea intriguing. It's the performer in him: the part of him that likes being seen as sexy and desirable. The part that craves attention, and loves to feel people's eyes on him, watching with adulation. But "that" sort of performance would end his idol career, and he's also just plain embarrassed to admit to those desires, so he hasn't looked at them too closely.
Regardless, he still has reservations, and the most significant would be Jun's reaction. If Jun doesn't want to do this, then that's that; he refuses to sour their relationship and make his partner uncomfortable. He doesn't want Jun to "suck it up and deal." When Jun uses that phrasing, it grates on him, striking him as wrong. He almost scolds Jun for it, almost tells him he shouldn't be sucking it up and dealing with something like that. But then Jun clarifies, saying that he's not on board, but he's willing to listen—that's it, that's all he meant—so Hiyori can relax.
A little, anyway. Not a lot. They are still in the midst of an embarrassing, nerve-wracking conversation about their intimate life. Still, he gives a short nod in response to Jun's words.]
Mm. You've always been good about heeding my "unreasonable requests," but I'd never decide something like that on my own.
[If they do this, it'll be a decision they make together. That's how it is, and that's how it should be.
He's still not sure they should do it. As he sits there facing Jun, who's already voiced his reaction, and who's looking to him for guidance, he can't help but feel uneasy. What exactly is the right decision? They've been placed in such a ridiculous and unfair situation that he's just not sure. But if they did do this, even hypothetically... well. He has a few ideas about how to make things more bearable.
He takes a breath and begins.]
Neither of us wants to "share." Which makes sense, because Jun-kun and I belong to each other! But, well, if we did do something like that in front of someone else... instead of "sharing," maybe we could see it as "declaring ownership."
[His cheeks color a bit more. He holds up his free hand, waving a finger in the air as he makes his point.]
For example, if Jun-kun left a bitemark on me while someone else watched, it'd be sort of like he's saying, "Hiyori Tomoe is mine. That dazzling existence is mine alone, and you can't ever have him. You can look, but you can't touch, because that's my job!"
[After he finishes, his cheeks growing steadily redder, his eyes watching Jun for a reaction. This is another reason this conversation is so difficult: he's afraid of giving away too many of his own desires. He's embarrassed by them, and he's afraid of weirding out Jun! Which is why he rushes to clarify,]
That was just an example. I'm not saying you should do that. But there's also another thing I thought of...
[He pauses again, and then admits:]
When I'm with Jun-kun, I start to loose control of myself. My head goes all mushy, and it feels like I'm floating away somewhere. It's sort of embarrassing, but Jun-kun said he likes seeing that side of me, so I don't mind showing it to him!
[He declares this confidently, despite the persistent blush on his face.]
I'm not too keen on showing it to someone else, though. So I wonder if it might be easier to treat it like a play. I'm not saying we should fake anything. But if we had roles we were acting out, then it might feel more like the kind of performances we're used to. Like if Jun-kun was a sailor and I was a mermaid, as one example, and we acted out a love scene, then...
[He trails off, his blush deepening yet again, and he clears his throat before he finishes:]
But that's just one idea! And it's still all hypothetical.
[Now for another, lengthier pause, before he peeks at his partner and asks:]
Sounds better if we share and I'll let ya hog 'em.
[ He quickly shakes his head, knowing or rather attempting to win an argument with Hiyori is almost the same as finding a needle in a haystack. Despite his complaints, it doesn't bother him much, or at least, it shouldn't.
There's the word again, "sharing," and he's keenly aware that's mostly what they have been doing since they arrived here. However, despite the similarities to home, the dynamics here have stayed the same. Surprisingly, the way Hiyori has been wording this whole idea, even if it's only softening the blow, still feels wrong. Maybe it's not due to Jun feeling uncomfortable by it, but rather having to "share" Hiyori with someone else, or perhaps it's due to him not being able to truly put the idea into perspective. Still, Jun's added drowsiness might be another factor. Are his feelings of jealousy understandable, even when he can't articulate them without sounding like a green-eyed monster? Not when Hiyori continues, stating again how they belong to each other makes perfect sense.
Gradually he has become more comfortable with physical touch, no longer brushing Hiyori off, instead welcoming them. So it's understandable to him—without giving the idea much thought—he'd clearly grapple their hypothetical scenario. Here, it's impossible to tell why Hiyori is blushing. (Is it due to him wanting to do this and also wanting others to watch them "get busy" with each other?)
But the idea makes him extra nervous, and for the same reason it bothers him. ]
I know.. I know you'd never do something like that without checkin' in first. But I'm just struggling with the idea, Ohii-san.
[ But "declaring ownership"? Won't that only make him seem even more jealous?
Hiyori suggests that acting out a play, or playing the roles of lovers on stage, could make it easier for them. This approach only allowed Past-Jun to manage his feelings for a long time, as it's easier to "switch off" when performing. But they've never acted out this scenario with the two of them before, with someone else watching. Performing for a single audience member would probably be more challenging, especially given the "performance" Hiyori's alluding to. ]
You're sayin' a lotta stuff, but it's what you want, yeah? The bitting thing? I dunno if you'd come out and say it. 'Cause I guess I'll say it's pretty much the same for me. When we're together, I wanna leave marks all across Ohii-san's smooth skin 'til he can't take it. And 'course there's no one else I'd wanna see like that! 'Cause honestly, you're pretty all the time, but seeing ya like that is somethin' else...
[ He's still not completely convinced, but it's also true that he doesn't want anyone else to see Hiyori like he does. It's a breath of relief Hiyori's also confirmed he doesn't want anyone else to see, either. ]
But our options are sorta limited, and maybe I just need time to warm up to the idea. 'Sides, on top of that, I dunno if we'd be able to really act it out. Y'know... I'm talking 'bout the love scene! And us bein' a sailor and mermaid kinda feels familiar is all!
[ His voice carries a newfound shyness, a small blush blooming on his cheeks. Jun hesitates to mention it aloud, but he's shyly trying to refer to the time at Weiss's party. ]
So, I guess treatin' it like a play might work. But it's like I said, I'm just afraid and sorta struggling with reading what you seriously want outta this.
[ After a lengthy pause of his own, he takes a moment to fully process everything. ]
Well, what I think is, I'm pretty terrified. Not just doing this but also 'bout acting all possessive by accident or something... and it'll end up turning into some huge turnoff.
Well, if I do end up hogging them, that just means you'll have to hug me to keep warm...♪
[Which means they've reached an agreement on blanket-sharing. But as for the other stuff...
He's still nervous. They haven't done anything yet, but what if simply putting the idea out there changes everything between them? What if it makes him sound like... well, you know. Like a pervert!
It's why he's blushing so much and having such a hard time. He doesn't want Jun to think badly of him. Especially as he reveals the specific scenarios he's thought about—acting out different roles together, or having Jun claim him in front of others. At that point, it starts to sound less like he's trying to protect their lives here, and more like he's talking about his own interests.
... When of course it isn't like that! He only brought this stuff up because he thought it was the only way to meet their captor's demands without compromising on their relationship. And he only brought up things like acting out roles and biting because he thought it might make the other stuff more bearable! ... that's all!
But that doesn't mean he doesn't want that stuff for his own reasons. After he finishes pouring out his secret thoughts, Jun cuts right to the point. "It's what you want, yeah?" he asks. And at that, Hiyori flushes even harder.]
That's—
[He opens his mouth to protest.
... but then stops short when Jun admits he likes it too. The biting, that is.
It causes him to simmer down. Hearing that Jun likes to leave marks "all over his smooth skin" makes his heart skip. He already knew that, of course, but it's another thing to hear him say it, and it alleviates most of his embarrassment.]
Well, since Jun-kun also likes it, there's no problem with it. Might as well put those sharp teeth to good use! ♪
[But what about putting them to good use in front of other people?
That's the difference here. They've never done that stuff in front of someone else. It's the source of Jun's hesitation, the reason he's struggling with the idea. But in the same breath, he says he might just need more time to warm up to the idea. So it's not that he absolutely won't do it, he's just... unsure. Because of embarrassment, and because he doesn't know if he can "perform" properly. Right?
No, that's not all. There's one final source of hesitation, and Hiyori's eyes widen when he hears. Jun-kun, his Jun-kun is afraid...
Of "acting all possessive" by accident and turning him off?
It's such an unexpected worry that all he can do is stare for a moment. But Jun is completely serious, it seems: shy and awkward and afraid. He and Jun...
They really are alike.]
That's, well... I wouldn't worry about that last thing.
[He responds after a pause, seeming only a little less awkward.]
Not that I want to make you feel jealous, of course. I want you to feel good when you're with me! And it's really other people who ought to be jealous of you, since you get to be with me. But supposing you did get jealous, and you left more marks behind than usual, or... or you got a bit rougher...
[He trails off momentarily, his cheeks blazing at the scene that just unfolded in his head. Did he just imagine a jealous Jun-kun aggressively laying claim to him in front of someone else? You bet! Not quite looking at Jun, he finishes:]
It'd take more than that to drive me off. I'd still enjoy it, since it's with Jun-kun!
Not that I mean to discount your worries. You can take a while to think it over if you need to. And if you have any more concerns, we can discuss those, too. I just don't want you thinking that being too "possessive" is a problem. If you chained me up and refused to let me see sunlight, that'd be one thing. But I know Jun-kun wouldn't do that. And since you're lucky enough to have me as a partner, it seems to me that you should be possessive.
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no subject
Mhm, it's real tempting! I'll think 'bout it, alright~? Maybe breaking my routine for a couple of days won't hurt.
[ Even if it's when Jun goes for his morning jogs! Even with the past few months, he hasn't been able to break the routine, even if there's no Mary to take on her morning walks.
But Hiyori's right in assuming an incredulous look, even if it's not what he's met with. It's more confusion than anything else, eyes narrowing as Hiyori's words replay in his head with the equally cute flushed cheeks.
For starters, there's plenty for Jun to "not get"! Sure, Eve plays heavily into fanservice, the feigning touches and fake kisses, but isn't this a step too far? Granted, some might not agree! Fans who enjoy the closeness between them might faint if given an opportunity to watch Eve get to it. Better yet, as an audience member! But the fans here, or the people they might propose to watch, might only receive their card in return. ]
You're, uh, talkin' 'bout the stuff we do in private?
[ Even with the idea planted, it struggles to take hold and make sense in a way Jun understands. Because at the end of the day, they're still idols, even without being offered jobs here, despite Hiyori only stating moments ago. Won't it end their careers if this got out? Sure, Ibara might be able to salvage what little is left, but he can't salvage the part where they allowed people to watch. ]
But I know we wouldn't wanna cheat on each other, 'cause I'd rather die. Though, I'm sorta curious 'bout you knowing this loophole... Who's to say it works? And thinking 'bout people watchin' us... well, it seriously creeps me out.
[ Or, truthfully, makes him feel uncomfortable. Hiyori's the only person he's ever been intimate with, thinking it's still something to be cherished away from curious eyes. ]
'Cause what we do together is meant to be between us, right? Like the thing you say 'bout us bein' in our world of two. And dunno if I can perform, uh, with strangers watching us. I'll probably suffer from real bad stage fright.
[ Even then, Jun is unsure how he truly feels about the performance part. It sounds absurd, it's the truth, but isn't it Jun's own selfish want to keep this particular side of Hiyori to himself? The side no one else gets to see, all for him and no one else. What might happen if anyone else sees Hiyori in such a state? It'll be sure to invite some unnerving feelings.
As they continue exploring their newfound relationship and discovering what they enjoy together, will their feelings for one another change once they've performed these acts for strangers? Or will their feelings last? Jun knows he wants the latter, wanting to protect Hiyori from anyone and everyone, and further wanting to protect their love and hearts. But as it stands, his thoughts are selfish, wanting and wanting and not willing to compromise.
Or, more importantly, isn't it an ache of jealousy he feels whenever Jun truly muses about it? He's felt it before, back during Wonder Game, the agony of something before Nagi-senpai's comment. The throes of jealousy weren't a concept he'd ever felt before, but now, he felt the same sharp, piercing pang in his heart that he couldn't quite come to terms with. ]
It does sound pretty absurd, Ohii-san. 'Cause when it comes down to it, I dunno if I'll be normal 'bout anyone getting to see you the way I do.
[ He's honest about it, despite his mind telling him not to. But he's still selfish, even after Hiyori states he doesn't want to keep things from him because they're partners. Again, it's not about him, but something to ensure neither of them turns to stone. Jun can't accept it, even as Hiyori looks him in the eyes and squeezes his hands. It's comforting, but he'd rather the pangs of jealousy head somewhere else. ]
no subject
Nope, it shouldn't hurt at all. The extra sleep might even leave you feeling refreshed and ready to start your next workout~♪
[He won't ask Jun to sleep in with him every morning. Even Hiyori isn't that demanding. But staying in bed together slightly more often would be nice. And it'd give Jun plenty of time to admire his sleeping face!
It'd be nicer than the conversation they're currently having, anyway. That's for sure.
Jun is visibly struggling to wrap his head around things, which Hiyori can't fault him for. He's had more time to think about this than Jun has, turning the "loophole" over in his mind even as he put off discussing things. But here they are, finally talking, and now there's no hiding from all that the idea entails. Yes, he's talking about the stuff they do in private, and yes, they'd get in horrendous amounts of trouble if word ever got out at home. He wants to think the resort exists in its own separate world, that their actions here won't come back to haunt them later. But he doesn't know that for sure, and he isn't even sure that doing this will be enough to satisfy the resort. They could drag their clean images through the mud and still disappear. Which begs the question: is it worth it?
Even Hiyori's not sure. All he knows is that doing nothing to try to protect themselves is making him feel increasingly anxious. But then, if they end up doing it just so he can feel less anxious and it doesn't help protect them, won't that mean they dirtied their images for nothing? Then he'll have to live with the guilt forever.
... no. One thing at a time. He banishes those thoughts and focuses on Jun's first point, which is a valid one: do they even know for sure that the loophole works?]
Well, I guess we don't have proof yet... Although I'm not sure how we would get proof. We could try to survey people, but then we'd just have to take their word for it.
[The unspoken alternative is that they could find out by trial and error. But is Jun even willing to do this? What about him? Is he willing to do it? The latter is a bit complicated, but as for the former...
The vibe he gets is "no." Jun says he finds the idea creepy. Which, well... who could blame him? It is creepy! Hiyori bought that canopy because he didn't like the idea of the House spying. True, being spied on by an unseen evil entity does seem somewhat different from being watched by a fellow guest. But is that a good difference or a bad one? At least an invisible entity is easier to ignore...
"Creepiness" isn't the only hurdle. Jun brings up some more objections after that, and those are also valid points. What they do is just between them, their own "world of two." Jun isn't sure he could, er, "perform" in front of other people, even though he's a performer by trade. But that still makes sense, because this is a very different type of "performance" than what they're used to! And then he brings up a third point, and it's that one which leaves the biggest impact on Hiyori.
"I dunno if I'll be normal 'bout anyone getting to see you the way I do."
At first he just blinks. Then his cheeks start to color more. Not from embarrassment, this time; it's more like he's touched. For all the (very good) reasons not to do this, that was one he'd never considered. But it's Jun who brings it up. And instead of telling him to think about their careers or their images, or how Ibara would kill them, or how it's too weird or too perverted, Jun's chief objection is this: he doesn't want to share him with anyone else. Not even just his faces or reactions; not one single part of him.
This realization leaves a deep impression on him, quieting him for a moment, before he nods.]
... so that's it.
[The smallest of smiles forms on his lips.]
I understand now. Jun-kun wants that side of me all to himself.
[Maybe it's silly for him to be happy. Jun feeling that way makes things harder, after all. But he does feel happy, as well as relieved. The whole reason they were in this mess, Hiyori figured, was because of his selfish love: because he wanted to keep Jun all to himself. Now it turns out Jun felt the same way all along, and it's not just flattering; it's a weight off his chest.
And he was a fool not to consider that Jun might've been the exact same as him. Wasn't he? Because after all,]
I'm the same way.
[He squeezes Jun's hands again, still smiling.]
I don't like the thought of anyone else seeing Jun-kun's cute faces. Jun-kun's face, voice, body, heart and soul all belong to me during those times. Which is exactly how it should be! I do like showing off my cute face, but the way I get with Jun-kun is sort of... well...
[He blushes harder and trails off. There isn't usually a mirror around when he has sex with Jun, but he knows he can't look dignified. He gets embarrassed, his head turns to mush, and he'll hear himself start saying things that sound like nonsense. Like that time at the start of the week, when Jun wore that collar: although he'd meant to stay in control, holding the reins both literally and figuratively, he'd ended up going totally delirious, saying all sorts of things about how Jun was such a good boy, such a good pet, and he was so proud to be Jun's owner, and so on. If anyone had been around to hear, he would've died from embarrassment.
Good thing his next Mating Season profile won't make the petplay public knowledge or anything!So, it's a valid point. On both sides. He doesn't want other people seeing the side of him that only Jun sees, and he doesn't want them seeing the side of Jun that only he brings out. Which means what? It means they can't do this. That's what.
.... or at least...
His expression shifts again, going from embarrassed to contemplative. He speaks slowly.]
You don't want anyone else seeing that side of me, and I don't want anyone else seeing you the same way I do. So, the most sensible thing would be to try and find some other way.
[To protect themselves from disappearing, that is.]
But if Jun-kun is curious, I did just think of two ways this could still work. In theory, anyway. I don't know about in practice. And I certainly don't want either one of us to get hurt. So, if Jun-kun wants me to drop this whole idea because he doesn't like it, I won't say anything more.
[But if he does want him to continue, well... He'd better buckle up, because this is about to get even weirder.]
no subject
[ He jokes, throwing a quick jab through the nice part of their conversation. Though Hiyori's not too far off! Seeing his cute, sleeping face each morning is worth getting up for and staying longer in bed for.
It is nicer than the rest of the conversation they're having, anyhow!
Jun is still visibly struggling, trying to wrap his head around the idea without all his feelings bursting out and making a mess of this. He's not looking to belittle Hiyori's idea or whomever pushed the idea onto him, only to get to the bottom of it. If it's indeed the "safer" option, why hasn't anyone else made use of it? His mind won't stop going back to the same point, struggling to comprehend how the loophole might help them in any way.
Now isn't the time to think about how it may harm their careers, and it's not the first point that comes to Jun's mind either. He could rather care less what Ibara may or may not think, knowing it's not any of his business. Even if he's Eden's producer, fellow unitmate, and friend, their relationship doesn't need a third person hovering around. And it's bigger than their fans finding out, sullying their own images for a way out, and expecting their fans to continuously love and support Eden and Eve afterwards. Right now, it's their decision, not to be construed by a third or fourth party. ]
Yeah, guess we don't... But don't want you thinkin' I'm tryna play down your ideas.
[ "Surveying people?" Now, it's a little bit more complicated. Jun figures Hiyori wouldn't want to do this, especially since their room is set up with their own privacy canopy.
But now Hiyori's view has seemed to change, or at least, be semi-open to the idea. From Jun's perspective, anyway. Does Hiyori want to do this? It's difficult to completely read his current expression, not wanting his partner to feel any worse than he does currently with denial. Instead, it's better to focus on the other factors. Sure, Jun still thinks it's creepy—finding someone who wants in and a further look into their private life. Besides, couldn't the potential voyeur request something novel that they haven't yet experienced for themselves? Sure, they're both performances by trade and Jun's rather proud of his ability of improvisation. But performing intimate acts for another party isn't what he had in mind! Even then, it should be both of their decisions, what if Hiyori wants to do this? What right would Jun have to deny him of it?
... not that he believes Hiyori's gung ho about the idea, it's only the hypothetical thoughts where the anxiousness begins to bleed in.
Although they recognise the unsettling creepiness and the implications of what this might bring, Jun ultimately decides against going through with it due to those feelings for Hiyori. While not typically a jealous person, the unwillingness to share even a fraction of Hiyori with anyone else, ultimately wins out. Here he'll at least acknowledge the selfishness of his stance, viewing his sudden possessiveness as an undesirable character flaw, akin to a monstrous impulse.
But to his surprise, Hiyori doesn't see his jealousy as a character flaw. (Why would he, especially when he always claims Jun as his?) Meaning, he shouldn't have thought Hiyori might be turned off by it, he knows that. So, why? ]
... yeah, yeah, that's why, Ohii-san.
[ He finally admits, only looking up once Hiyori admits he's the same way. It's a relief, something he truly should've considered much earlier. Jun's lip curves into a small smile, feeling the weight lifted off, knowing Hiyori feels and wants the same. ]
That's how it feels for me, too. I didn't wanna admit it, 'cause what sorta real person gets jealous 'bout something he's still gonna join in on? But seeing you all flustered, and all the stuff that comes outta your mouth seriously feels good.
[ Including how he acts with Jun, the often delirious state they both end up in. Speaking almost nonsense to one another, all because they're far too intoxicated with one another to think straight. It's something Jun has yet to consider, the way Hiyori acts with him might be unique. Something he certainly hasn't until now, given his partner's answer. Geez, Jun's such an idiot.
He squeezes Hiyori's hands, wanting him to know he's still here, listening to all he has to say. ]
But I get what you're tryna say. It feels a lil' unfair of me, right? You're the one comin' up with all the ideas, and here I am, feeling kinda stuck and useless. I'd never think 'bout hurting Ohii-san, and he wouldn't hurt me. So, I'll suck it up and deal with it, huh?
[ He sounds rather conflicted, wanting to sort this out without hurting one another.
The most sensible idea would be to find another way or a way where they might be able to go through with this but forget about the other party watching. He still doesn't want anyone to see the side of Hiyori he sees, and the side of himself Hiyori sees. It hurts, but with the added reassurance Hiyori feels the same, he's so relieved. ]
I'm not fully on board but just lay it on me. I'll hear ya out, Ohii-san, and we'll decide together. How's that sound?
no subject
[(Yes he does.)]
But fine, we can share them! ♪
[Sharing. That's what they've been doing for the bulk of their time here. Sharing a room, sharing a bed, sharing chips and food and other necessities, and sharing information about the resort. Before he knew it, they were sharing just about everything. They really do live in their own "world of two."
Can they really invite other people into that private little world...?
It's hard to decide whether he's open to it or not. In truth, he feels conflicted. He considers it a "lesser evil" compared to playing the game normally, but is there any part of him that truly wants this?
There might be. Deep down inside him, there might be some small, secret part of himself that finds the whole idea intriguing. It's the performer in him: the part of him that likes being seen as sexy and desirable. The part that craves attention, and loves to feel people's eyes on him, watching with adulation. But "that" sort of performance would end his idol career, and he's also just plain embarrassed to admit to those desires, so he hasn't looked at them too closely.
Regardless, he still has reservations, and the most significant would be Jun's reaction. If Jun doesn't want to do this, then that's that; he refuses to sour their relationship and make his partner uncomfortable. He doesn't want Jun to "suck it up and deal." When Jun uses that phrasing, it grates on him, striking him as wrong. He almost scolds Jun for it, almost tells him he shouldn't be sucking it up and dealing with something like that. But then Jun clarifies, saying that he's not on board, but he's willing to listen—that's it, that's all he meant—so Hiyori can relax.
A little, anyway. Not a lot. They are still in the midst of an embarrassing, nerve-wracking conversation about their intimate life. Still, he gives a short nod in response to Jun's words.]
Mm. You've always been good about heeding my "unreasonable requests," but I'd never decide something like that on my own.
[If they do this, it'll be a decision they make together. That's how it is, and that's how it should be.
He's still not sure they should do it. As he sits there facing Jun, who's already voiced his reaction, and who's looking to him for guidance, he can't help but feel uneasy. What exactly is the right decision? They've been placed in such a ridiculous and unfair situation that he's just not sure. But if they did do this, even hypothetically... well. He has a few ideas about how to make things more bearable.
He takes a breath and begins.]
Neither of us wants to "share." Which makes sense, because Jun-kun and I belong to each other! But, well, if we did do something like that in front of someone else... instead of "sharing," maybe we could see it as "declaring ownership."
[His cheeks color a bit more. He holds up his free hand, waving a finger in the air as he makes his point.]
For example, if Jun-kun left a bitemark on me while someone else watched, it'd be sort of like he's saying, "Hiyori Tomoe is mine. That dazzling existence is mine alone, and you can't ever have him. You can look, but you can't touch, because that's my job!"
[After he finishes, his cheeks growing steadily redder, his eyes watching Jun for a reaction. This is another reason this conversation is so difficult: he's afraid of giving away too many of his own desires. He's embarrassed by them, and he's afraid of weirding out Jun! Which is why he rushes to clarify,]
That was just an example. I'm not saying you should do that. But there's also another thing I thought of...
[He pauses again, and then admits:]
When I'm with Jun-kun, I start to loose control of myself. My head goes all mushy, and it feels like I'm floating away somewhere. It's sort of embarrassing, but Jun-kun said he likes seeing that side of me, so I don't mind showing it to him!
[He declares this confidently, despite the persistent blush on his face.]
I'm not too keen on showing it to someone else, though. So I wonder if it might be easier to treat it like a play. I'm not saying we should fake anything. But if we had roles we were acting out, then it might feel more like the kind of performances we're used to. Like if Jun-kun was a sailor and I was a mermaid, as one example, and we acted out a love scene, then...
[He trails off, his blush deepening yet again, and he clears his throat before he finishes:]
But that's just one idea! And it's still all hypothetical.
[Now for another, lengthier pause, before he peeks at his partner and asks:]
... what does Jun-kun think?
no subject
[ He quickly shakes his head, knowing or rather attempting to win an argument with Hiyori is almost the same as finding a needle in a haystack. Despite his complaints, it doesn't bother him much, or at least, it shouldn't.
There's the word again, "sharing," and he's keenly aware that's mostly what they have been doing since they arrived here. However, despite the similarities to home, the dynamics here have stayed the same. Surprisingly, the way Hiyori has been wording this whole idea, even if it's only softening the blow, still feels wrong. Maybe it's not due to Jun feeling uncomfortable by it, but rather having to "share" Hiyori with someone else, or perhaps it's due to him not being able to truly put the idea into perspective. Still, Jun's added drowsiness might be another factor. Are his feelings of jealousy understandable, even when he can't articulate them without sounding like a green-eyed monster? Not when Hiyori continues, stating again how they belong to each other makes perfect sense.
Gradually he has become more comfortable with physical touch, no longer brushing Hiyori off, instead welcoming them. So it's understandable to him—without giving the idea much thought—he'd clearly grapple their hypothetical scenario. Here, it's impossible to tell why Hiyori is blushing. (Is it due to him wanting to do this and also wanting others to watch them "get busy" with each other?)
But the idea makes him extra nervous, and for the same reason it bothers him. ]
I know.. I know you'd never do something like that without checkin' in first. But I'm just struggling with the idea, Ohii-san.
[ But "declaring ownership"? Won't that only make him seem even more jealous?
Hiyori suggests that acting out a play, or playing the roles of lovers on stage, could make it easier for them. This approach only allowed Past-Jun to manage his feelings for a long time, as it's easier to "switch off" when performing. But they've never acted out this scenario with the two of them before, with someone else watching. Performing for a single audience member would probably be more challenging, especially given the "performance" Hiyori's alluding to. ]
You're sayin' a lotta stuff, but it's what you want, yeah? The bitting thing? I dunno if you'd come out and say it. 'Cause I guess I'll say it's pretty much the same for me. When we're together, I wanna leave marks all across Ohii-san's smooth skin 'til he can't take it. And 'course there's no one else I'd wanna see like that! 'Cause honestly, you're pretty all the time, but seeing ya like that is somethin' else...
[ He's still not completely convinced, but it's also true that he doesn't want anyone else to see Hiyori like he does. It's a breath of relief Hiyori's also confirmed he doesn't want anyone else to see, either. ]
But our options are sorta limited, and maybe I just need time to warm up to the idea. 'Sides, on top of that, I dunno if we'd be able to really act it out. Y'know... I'm talking 'bout the love scene! And us bein' a sailor and mermaid kinda feels familiar is all!
[ His voice carries a newfound shyness, a small blush blooming on his cheeks. Jun hesitates to mention it aloud, but he's shyly trying to refer to the time at Weiss's party. ]
So, I guess treatin' it like a play might work. But it's like I said, I'm just afraid and sorta struggling with reading what you seriously want outta this.
[ After a lengthy pause of his own, he takes a moment to fully process everything. ]
Well, what I think is, I'm pretty terrified. Not just doing this but also 'bout acting all possessive by accident or something... and it'll end up turning into some huge turnoff.
1/2
[Which means they've reached an agreement on blanket-sharing. But as for the other stuff...
He's still nervous. They haven't done anything yet, but what if simply putting the idea out there changes everything between them? What if it makes him sound like... well, you know. Like a pervert!
It's why he's blushing so much and having such a hard time. He doesn't want Jun to think badly of him. Especially as he reveals the specific scenarios he's thought about—acting out different roles together, or having Jun claim him in front of others. At that point, it starts to sound less like he's trying to protect their lives here, and more like he's talking about his own interests.
... When of course it isn't like that! He only brought this stuff up because he thought it was the only way to meet their captor's demands without compromising on their relationship. And he only brought up things like acting out roles and biting because he thought it might make the other stuff more bearable! ... that's all!
But that doesn't mean he doesn't want that stuff for his own reasons. After he finishes pouring out his secret thoughts, Jun cuts right to the point. "It's what you want, yeah?" he asks. And at that, Hiyori flushes even harder.]
That's—
[He opens his mouth to protest.
... but then stops short when Jun admits he likes it too. The biting, that is.
It causes him to simmer down. Hearing that Jun likes to leave marks "all over his smooth skin" makes his heart skip. He already knew that, of course, but it's another thing to hear him say it, and it alleviates most of his embarrassment.]
Well, since Jun-kun also likes it, there's no problem with it. Might as well put those sharp teeth to good use! ♪
[But what about putting them to good use in front of other people?
That's the difference here. They've never done that stuff in front of someone else. It's the source of Jun's hesitation, the reason he's struggling with the idea. But in the same breath, he says he might just need more time to warm up to the idea. So it's not that he absolutely won't do it, he's just... unsure. Because of embarrassment, and because he doesn't know if he can "perform" properly. Right?
No, that's not all. There's one final source of hesitation, and Hiyori's eyes widen when he hears. Jun-kun, his Jun-kun is afraid...
Of "acting all possessive" by accident and turning him off?
It's such an unexpected worry that all he can do is stare for a moment. But Jun is completely serious, it seems: shy and awkward and afraid. He and Jun...
They really are alike.]
That's, well... I wouldn't worry about that last thing.
[He responds after a pause, seeming only a little less awkward.]
Not that I want to make you feel jealous, of course. I want you to feel good when you're with me! And it's really other people who ought to be jealous of you, since you get to be with me. But supposing you did get jealous, and you left more marks behind than usual, or... or you got a bit rougher...
[He trails off momentarily, his cheeks blazing at the scene that just unfolded in his head. Did he just imagine a jealous Jun-kun aggressively laying claim to him in front of someone else? You bet! Not quite looking at Jun, he finishes:]
It'd take more than that to drive me off. I'd still enjoy it, since it's with Jun-kun!
[He lets those words hang in the air defiantly.]
2/2
Not that I mean to discount your worries. You can take a while to think it over if you need to. And if you have any more concerns, we can discuss those, too. I just don't want you thinking that being too "possessive" is a problem. If you chained me up and refused to let me see sunlight, that'd be one thing. But I know Jun-kun wouldn't do that. And since you're lucky enough to have me as a partner, it seems to me that you should be possessive.