[Sharing. That's what they've been doing for the bulk of their time here. Sharing a room, sharing a bed, sharing chips and food and other necessities, and sharing information about the resort. Before he knew it, they were sharing just about everything. They really do live in their own "world of two."
Can they really invite other people into that private little world...?
It's hard to decide whether he's open to it or not. In truth, he feels conflicted. He considers it a "lesser evil" compared to playing the game normally, but is there any part of him that truly wants this?
There might be. Deep down inside him, there might be some small, secret part of himself that finds the whole idea intriguing. It's the performer in him: the part of him that likes being seen as sexy and desirable. The part that craves attention, and loves to feel people's eyes on him, watching with adulation. But "that" sort of performance would end his idol career, and he's also just plain embarrassed to admit to those desires, so he hasn't looked at them too closely.
Regardless, he still has reservations, and the most significant would be Jun's reaction. If Jun doesn't want to do this, then that's that; he refuses to sour their relationship and make his partner uncomfortable. He doesn't want Jun to "suck it up and deal." When Jun uses that phrasing, it grates on him, striking him as wrong. He almost scolds Jun for it, almost tells him he shouldn't be sucking it up and dealing with something like that. But then Jun clarifies, saying that he's not on board, but he's willing to listen—that's it, that's all he meant—so Hiyori can relax.
A little, anyway. Not a lot. They are still in the midst of an embarrassing, nerve-wracking conversation about their intimate life. Still, he gives a short nod in response to Jun's words.]
Mm. You've always been good about heeding my "unreasonable requests," but I'd never decide something like that on my own.
[If they do this, it'll be a decision they make together. That's how it is, and that's how it should be.
He's still not sure they should do it. As he sits there facing Jun, who's already voiced his reaction, and who's looking to him for guidance, he can't help but feel uneasy. What exactly is the right decision? They've been placed in such a ridiculous and unfair situation that he's just not sure. But if they did do this, even hypothetically... well. He has a few ideas about how to make things more bearable.
He takes a breath and begins.]
Neither of us wants to "share." Which makes sense, because Jun-kun and I belong to each other! But, well, if we did do something like that in front of someone else... instead of "sharing," maybe we could see it as "declaring ownership."
[His cheeks color a bit more. He holds up his free hand, waving a finger in the air as he makes his point.]
For example, if Jun-kun left a bitemark on me while someone else watched, it'd be sort of like he's saying, "Hiyori Tomoe is mine. That dazzling existence is mine alone, and you can't ever have him. You can look, but you can't touch, because that's my job!"
[After he finishes, his cheeks growing steadily redder, his eyes watching Jun for a reaction. This is another reason this conversation is so difficult: he's afraid of giving away too many of his own desires. He's embarrassed by them, and he's afraid of weirding out Jun! Which is why he rushes to clarify,]
That was just an example. I'm not saying you should do that. But there's also another thing I thought of...
[He pauses again, and then admits:]
When I'm with Jun-kun, I start to loose control of myself. My head goes all mushy, and it feels like I'm floating away somewhere. It's sort of embarrassing, but Jun-kun said he likes seeing that side of me, so I don't mind showing it to him!
[He declares this confidently, despite the persistent blush on his face.]
I'm not too keen on showing it to someone else, though. So I wonder if it might be easier to treat it like a play. I'm not saying we should fake anything. But if we had roles we were acting out, then it might feel more like the kind of performances we're used to. Like if Jun-kun was a sailor and I was a mermaid, as one example, and we acted out a love scene, then...
[He trails off, his blush deepening yet again, and he clears his throat before he finishes:]
But that's just one idea! And it's still all hypothetical.
[Now for another, lengthier pause, before he peeks at his partner and asks:]
Sounds better if we share and I'll let ya hog 'em.
[ He quickly shakes his head, knowing or rather attempting to win an argument with Hiyori is almost the same as finding a needle in a haystack. Despite his complaints, it doesn't bother him much, or at least, it shouldn't.
There's the word again, "sharing," and he's keenly aware that's mostly what they have been doing since they arrived here. However, despite the similarities to home, the dynamics here have stayed the same. Surprisingly, the way Hiyori has been wording this whole idea, even if it's only softening the blow, still feels wrong. Maybe it's not due to Jun feeling uncomfortable by it, but rather having to "share" Hiyori with someone else, or perhaps it's due to him not being able to truly put the idea into perspective. Still, Jun's added drowsiness might be another factor. Are his feelings of jealousy understandable, even when he can't articulate them without sounding like a green-eyed monster? Not when Hiyori continues, stating again how they belong to each other makes perfect sense.
Gradually he has become more comfortable with physical touch, no longer brushing Hiyori off, instead welcoming them. So it's understandable to him—without giving the idea much thought—he'd clearly grapple their hypothetical scenario. Here, it's impossible to tell why Hiyori is blushing. (Is it due to him wanting to do this and also wanting others to watch them "get busy" with each other?)
But the idea makes him extra nervous, and for the same reason it bothers him. ]
I know.. I know you'd never do something like that without checkin' in first. But I'm just struggling with the idea, Ohii-san.
[ But "declaring ownership"? Won't that only make him seem even more jealous?
Hiyori suggests that acting out a play, or playing the roles of lovers on stage, could make it easier for them. This approach only allowed Past-Jun to manage his feelings for a long time, as it's easier to "switch off" when performing. But they've never acted out this scenario with the two of them before, with someone else watching. Performing for a single audience member would probably be more challenging, especially given the "performance" Hiyori's alluding to. ]
You're sayin' a lotta stuff, but it's what you want, yeah? The bitting thing? I dunno if you'd come out and say it. 'Cause I guess I'll say it's pretty much the same for me. When we're together, I wanna leave marks all across Ohii-san's smooth skin 'til he can't take it. And 'course there's no one else I'd wanna see like that! 'Cause honestly, you're pretty all the time, but seeing ya like that is somethin' else...
[ He's still not completely convinced, but it's also true that he doesn't want anyone else to see Hiyori like he does. It's a breath of relief Hiyori's also confirmed he doesn't want anyone else to see, either. ]
But our options are sorta limited, and maybe I just need time to warm up to the idea. 'Sides, on top of that, I dunno if we'd be able to really act it out. Y'know... I'm talking 'bout the love scene! And us bein' a sailor and mermaid kinda feels familiar is all!
[ His voice carries a newfound shyness, a small blush blooming on his cheeks. Jun hesitates to mention it aloud, but he's shyly trying to refer to the time at Weiss's party. ]
So, I guess treatin' it like a play might work. But it's like I said, I'm just afraid and sorta struggling with reading what you seriously want outta this.
[ After a lengthy pause of his own, he takes a moment to fully process everything. ]
Well, what I think is, I'm pretty terrified. Not just doing this but also 'bout acting all possessive by accident or something... and it'll end up turning into some huge turnoff.
Well, if I do end up hogging them, that just means you'll have to hug me to keep warm...♪
[Which means they've reached an agreement on blanket-sharing. But as for the other stuff...
He's still nervous. They haven't done anything yet, but what if simply putting the idea out there changes everything between them? What if it makes him sound like... well, you know. Like a pervert!
It's why he's blushing so much and having such a hard time. He doesn't want Jun to think badly of him. Especially as he reveals the specific scenarios he's thought about—acting out different roles together, or having Jun claim him in front of others. At that point, it starts to sound less like he's trying to protect their lives here, and more like he's talking about his own interests.
... When of course it isn't like that! He only brought this stuff up because he thought it was the only way to meet their captor's demands without compromising on their relationship. And he only brought up things like acting out roles and biting because he thought it might make the other stuff more bearable! ... that's all!
But that doesn't mean he doesn't want that stuff for his own reasons. After he finishes pouring out his secret thoughts, Jun cuts right to the point. "It's what you want, yeah?" he asks. And at that, Hiyori flushes even harder.]
That's—
[He opens his mouth to protest.
... but then stops short when Jun admits he likes it too. The biting, that is.
It causes him to simmer down. Hearing that Jun likes to leave marks "all over his smooth skin" makes his heart skip. He already knew that, of course, but it's another thing to hear him say it, and it alleviates most of his embarrassment.]
Well, since Jun-kun also likes it, there's no problem with it. Might as well put those sharp teeth to good use! ♪
[But what about putting them to good use in front of other people?
That's the difference here. They've never done that stuff in front of someone else. It's the source of Jun's hesitation, the reason he's struggling with the idea. But in the same breath, he says he might just need more time to warm up to the idea. So it's not that he absolutely won't do it, he's just... unsure. Because of embarrassment, and because he doesn't know if he can "perform" properly. Right?
No, that's not all. There's one final source of hesitation, and Hiyori's eyes widen when he hears. Jun-kun, his Jun-kun is afraid...
Of "acting all possessive" by accident and turning him off?
It's such an unexpected worry that all he can do is stare for a moment. But Jun is completely serious, it seems: shy and awkward and afraid. He and Jun...
They really are alike.]
That's, well... I wouldn't worry about that last thing.
[He responds after a pause, seeming only a little less awkward.]
Not that I want to make you feel jealous, of course. I want you to feel good when you're with me! And it's really other people who ought to be jealous of you, since you get to be with me. But supposing you did get jealous, and you left more marks behind than usual, or... or you got a bit rougher...
[He trails off momentarily, his cheeks blazing at the scene that just unfolded in his head. Did he just imagine a jealous Jun-kun aggressively laying claim to him in front of someone else? You bet! Not quite looking at Jun, he finishes:]
It'd take more than that to drive me off. I'd still enjoy it, since it's with Jun-kun!
Not that I mean to discount your worries. You can take a while to think it over if you need to. And if you have any more concerns, we can discuss those, too. I just don't want you thinking that being too "possessive" is a problem. If you chained me up and refused to let me see sunlight, that'd be one thing. But I know Jun-kun wouldn't do that. And since you're lucky enough to have me as a partner, it seems to me that you should be possessive.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[(Yes he does.)]
But fine, we can share them! ♪
[Sharing. That's what they've been doing for the bulk of their time here. Sharing a room, sharing a bed, sharing chips and food and other necessities, and sharing information about the resort. Before he knew it, they were sharing just about everything. They really do live in their own "world of two."
Can they really invite other people into that private little world...?
It's hard to decide whether he's open to it or not. In truth, he feels conflicted. He considers it a "lesser evil" compared to playing the game normally, but is there any part of him that truly wants this?
There might be. Deep down inside him, there might be some small, secret part of himself that finds the whole idea intriguing. It's the performer in him: the part of him that likes being seen as sexy and desirable. The part that craves attention, and loves to feel people's eyes on him, watching with adulation. But "that" sort of performance would end his idol career, and he's also just plain embarrassed to admit to those desires, so he hasn't looked at them too closely.
Regardless, he still has reservations, and the most significant would be Jun's reaction. If Jun doesn't want to do this, then that's that; he refuses to sour their relationship and make his partner uncomfortable. He doesn't want Jun to "suck it up and deal." When Jun uses that phrasing, it grates on him, striking him as wrong. He almost scolds Jun for it, almost tells him he shouldn't be sucking it up and dealing with something like that. But then Jun clarifies, saying that he's not on board, but he's willing to listen—that's it, that's all he meant—so Hiyori can relax.
A little, anyway. Not a lot. They are still in the midst of an embarrassing, nerve-wracking conversation about their intimate life. Still, he gives a short nod in response to Jun's words.]
Mm. You've always been good about heeding my "unreasonable requests," but I'd never decide something like that on my own.
[If they do this, it'll be a decision they make together. That's how it is, and that's how it should be.
He's still not sure they should do it. As he sits there facing Jun, who's already voiced his reaction, and who's looking to him for guidance, he can't help but feel uneasy. What exactly is the right decision? They've been placed in such a ridiculous and unfair situation that he's just not sure. But if they did do this, even hypothetically... well. He has a few ideas about how to make things more bearable.
He takes a breath and begins.]
Neither of us wants to "share." Which makes sense, because Jun-kun and I belong to each other! But, well, if we did do something like that in front of someone else... instead of "sharing," maybe we could see it as "declaring ownership."
[His cheeks color a bit more. He holds up his free hand, waving a finger in the air as he makes his point.]
For example, if Jun-kun left a bitemark on me while someone else watched, it'd be sort of like he's saying, "Hiyori Tomoe is mine. That dazzling existence is mine alone, and you can't ever have him. You can look, but you can't touch, because that's my job!"
[After he finishes, his cheeks growing steadily redder, his eyes watching Jun for a reaction. This is another reason this conversation is so difficult: he's afraid of giving away too many of his own desires. He's embarrassed by them, and he's afraid of weirding out Jun! Which is why he rushes to clarify,]
That was just an example. I'm not saying you should do that. But there's also another thing I thought of...
[He pauses again, and then admits:]
When I'm with Jun-kun, I start to loose control of myself. My head goes all mushy, and it feels like I'm floating away somewhere. It's sort of embarrassing, but Jun-kun said he likes seeing that side of me, so I don't mind showing it to him!
[He declares this confidently, despite the persistent blush on his face.]
I'm not too keen on showing it to someone else, though. So I wonder if it might be easier to treat it like a play. I'm not saying we should fake anything. But if we had roles we were acting out, then it might feel more like the kind of performances we're used to. Like if Jun-kun was a sailor and I was a mermaid, as one example, and we acted out a love scene, then...
[He trails off, his blush deepening yet again, and he clears his throat before he finishes:]
But that's just one idea! And it's still all hypothetical.
[Now for another, lengthier pause, before he peeks at his partner and asks:]
... what does Jun-kun think?
no subject
[ He quickly shakes his head, knowing or rather attempting to win an argument with Hiyori is almost the same as finding a needle in a haystack. Despite his complaints, it doesn't bother him much, or at least, it shouldn't.
There's the word again, "sharing," and he's keenly aware that's mostly what they have been doing since they arrived here. However, despite the similarities to home, the dynamics here have stayed the same. Surprisingly, the way Hiyori has been wording this whole idea, even if it's only softening the blow, still feels wrong. Maybe it's not due to Jun feeling uncomfortable by it, but rather having to "share" Hiyori with someone else, or perhaps it's due to him not being able to truly put the idea into perspective. Still, Jun's added drowsiness might be another factor. Are his feelings of jealousy understandable, even when he can't articulate them without sounding like a green-eyed monster? Not when Hiyori continues, stating again how they belong to each other makes perfect sense.
Gradually he has become more comfortable with physical touch, no longer brushing Hiyori off, instead welcoming them. So it's understandable to him—without giving the idea much thought—he'd clearly grapple their hypothetical scenario. Here, it's impossible to tell why Hiyori is blushing. (Is it due to him wanting to do this and also wanting others to watch them "get busy" with each other?)
But the idea makes him extra nervous, and for the same reason it bothers him. ]
I know.. I know you'd never do something like that without checkin' in first. But I'm just struggling with the idea, Ohii-san.
[ But "declaring ownership"? Won't that only make him seem even more jealous?
Hiyori suggests that acting out a play, or playing the roles of lovers on stage, could make it easier for them. This approach only allowed Past-Jun to manage his feelings for a long time, as it's easier to "switch off" when performing. But they've never acted out this scenario with the two of them before, with someone else watching. Performing for a single audience member would probably be more challenging, especially given the "performance" Hiyori's alluding to. ]
You're sayin' a lotta stuff, but it's what you want, yeah? The bitting thing? I dunno if you'd come out and say it. 'Cause I guess I'll say it's pretty much the same for me. When we're together, I wanna leave marks all across Ohii-san's smooth skin 'til he can't take it. And 'course there's no one else I'd wanna see like that! 'Cause honestly, you're pretty all the time, but seeing ya like that is somethin' else...
[ He's still not completely convinced, but it's also true that he doesn't want anyone else to see Hiyori like he does. It's a breath of relief Hiyori's also confirmed he doesn't want anyone else to see, either. ]
But our options are sorta limited, and maybe I just need time to warm up to the idea. 'Sides, on top of that, I dunno if we'd be able to really act it out. Y'know... I'm talking 'bout the love scene! And us bein' a sailor and mermaid kinda feels familiar is all!
[ His voice carries a newfound shyness, a small blush blooming on his cheeks. Jun hesitates to mention it aloud, but he's shyly trying to refer to the time at Weiss's party. ]
So, I guess treatin' it like a play might work. But it's like I said, I'm just afraid and sorta struggling with reading what you seriously want outta this.
[ After a lengthy pause of his own, he takes a moment to fully process everything. ]
Well, what I think is, I'm pretty terrified. Not just doing this but also 'bout acting all possessive by accident or something... and it'll end up turning into some huge turnoff.
1/2
[Which means they've reached an agreement on blanket-sharing. But as for the other stuff...
He's still nervous. They haven't done anything yet, but what if simply putting the idea out there changes everything between them? What if it makes him sound like... well, you know. Like a pervert!
It's why he's blushing so much and having such a hard time. He doesn't want Jun to think badly of him. Especially as he reveals the specific scenarios he's thought about—acting out different roles together, or having Jun claim him in front of others. At that point, it starts to sound less like he's trying to protect their lives here, and more like he's talking about his own interests.
... When of course it isn't like that! He only brought this stuff up because he thought it was the only way to meet their captor's demands without compromising on their relationship. And he only brought up things like acting out roles and biting because he thought it might make the other stuff more bearable! ... that's all!
But that doesn't mean he doesn't want that stuff for his own reasons. After he finishes pouring out his secret thoughts, Jun cuts right to the point. "It's what you want, yeah?" he asks. And at that, Hiyori flushes even harder.]
That's—
[He opens his mouth to protest.
... but then stops short when Jun admits he likes it too. The biting, that is.
It causes him to simmer down. Hearing that Jun likes to leave marks "all over his smooth skin" makes his heart skip. He already knew that, of course, but it's another thing to hear him say it, and it alleviates most of his embarrassment.]
Well, since Jun-kun also likes it, there's no problem with it. Might as well put those sharp teeth to good use! ♪
[But what about putting them to good use in front of other people?
That's the difference here. They've never done that stuff in front of someone else. It's the source of Jun's hesitation, the reason he's struggling with the idea. But in the same breath, he says he might just need more time to warm up to the idea. So it's not that he absolutely won't do it, he's just... unsure. Because of embarrassment, and because he doesn't know if he can "perform" properly. Right?
No, that's not all. There's one final source of hesitation, and Hiyori's eyes widen when he hears. Jun-kun, his Jun-kun is afraid...
Of "acting all possessive" by accident and turning him off?
It's such an unexpected worry that all he can do is stare for a moment. But Jun is completely serious, it seems: shy and awkward and afraid. He and Jun...
They really are alike.]
That's, well... I wouldn't worry about that last thing.
[He responds after a pause, seeming only a little less awkward.]
Not that I want to make you feel jealous, of course. I want you to feel good when you're with me! And it's really other people who ought to be jealous of you, since you get to be with me. But supposing you did get jealous, and you left more marks behind than usual, or... or you got a bit rougher...
[He trails off momentarily, his cheeks blazing at the scene that just unfolded in his head. Did he just imagine a jealous Jun-kun aggressively laying claim to him in front of someone else? You bet! Not quite looking at Jun, he finishes:]
It'd take more than that to drive me off. I'd still enjoy it, since it's with Jun-kun!
[He lets those words hang in the air defiantly.]
2/2
Not that I mean to discount your worries. You can take a while to think it over if you need to. And if you have any more concerns, we can discuss those, too. I just don't want you thinking that being too "possessive" is a problem. If you chained me up and refused to let me see sunlight, that'd be one thing. But I know Jun-kun wouldn't do that. And since you're lucky enough to have me as a partner, it seems to me that you should be possessive.