[Jun soothes him with gentle kisses and touches like it's second nature. At this point, maybe it is. Hiyori once tried to entice Jun into a hug by saying that holding someone tight and listening to their heartbeat can provide the ultimate comfort, but now it's Jun who's comforting him, Jun who's whispering sweet words of reassurance and holding him safe in his arms. He's grown.
Despite the comfort Jun provides, his heart still hurts. Especially when Jun says his family would be relieved he's gone. He wants to dispute that, even after what Jun said about his parents during the memory share. And he wants to say that even if Jun's parents truly don't care, that there are still others back home who will miss him, who are missing right now if time isn't frozen. His fans, people from ES, even his gruff younger roommate.
But he doesn't. He just sits there clinging to Jun, listening to him talk about how Eden is his family, now—that hurts to hear too, when they've both been separated from the rest of their unit for so long. But at the same, he's glad for it. It makes his heart soar. The unit he hoped could become a home to Jun really did become one. And the one who brought him into that unit, out of his dark and dingy alleyway and into the limelight... that was him, wasn't it?
He thinks about that, and about Jun's next words. Rubbing circles on his back, Jun says he's looked out for him more than he knows. But he doesn't list the obvious stuff, like inviting him to his room to keep him out of the basement—Hiyori knows he's done some helpful things. It just hasn't felt like enough, with the looming threat of turning into statues hanging over their heads.
But Jun says he wouldn't survive without him, citing Game 52, and that's a jolt to Hiyori.
It's been a while since they talked about the game. Neither one of them has been playing, after all. And so there's nothing to talk about. But he can still remember sitting on that bench in the shopping center, reading those instructions on their watch and feeling nauseated as well as embarrassed. Jun had looked awkward. Which, well—how could he not look awkward? Hiyori had felt awkward, too, as well as disgusted. He doesn't like crude things. But Jun must have felt even worse. He had no experience. He said he only wanted to do that sort of thing with someone he cared about deeply. And Hiyori can remember how he felt when he heard that. It wasn't just selfishness—he wanted to protect his partner's innocence. It would've been tragic, he thought, for Jun to end up the same way he used to be.
He sits in silence, and he realizes that what he did wasn't wrong. He made sure Jun had his first time with someone who loves him. Someone he cared about in return, even if he hadn't realized it was "love" yet. Isn't that a good thing? That was what Jun said he wanted. So if it wasn't wrong of him to claim Jun's first time for himself, then where did he go wrong? Not letting Jun go afterwards?
He could've done that. Let him collect other cards and try to play the game properly. He could've stood by his side as his partner without trying to monopolize him. That's all stuff he could've done in theory. But in practice, that would've been impossible. Sleeping with the person you love, and then letting them go, handing them off to fifty other people—who could possibly do that? Forget being selfless. You'd have to be a saint. But would it really be a saintly thing to do? It wasn't what Jun wanted to happen. What Jun wanted...
Was him, apparently. Him and his own selfish wants. His selfish love, all for him.
Which means they both wanted the same thing all along. Doesn't it?
Hiyori pulls his face away slowly. There are tear tracks on his cheeks, which Jun wipes with his thumb. Accompanied by a beautiful smile, it feels like a heartfelt gesture. And at last, Hiyori smiles at him.]
Mm. Jun-kun's really brave.
[Braver than him. But he can't feel upset about it. This just means he'll just have to get braver himself, in order to stand by Jun's side as his partner. Isn't that right?
He releases Jun's back and reaches for his hands. Hiyori's are still cold, but he has faith that Jun will hold them anyway. Softly, he speaks.]
I'd be incredibly lonely, I think. If I was here without you, that is. I'm always grateful somewhere in my heart that Jun-kun is here. Even though I hate them for taking you, I'm still glad to have you by my side. It feels like a sweet relief. Because as partners, we should always be together.
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time for Eden to disband (jk) (also 1/2)
Despite the comfort Jun provides, his heart still hurts. Especially when Jun says his family would be relieved he's gone. He wants to dispute that, even after what Jun said about his parents during the memory share. And he wants to say that even if Jun's parents truly don't care, that there are still others back home who will miss him, who are missing right now if time isn't frozen. His fans, people from ES, even his gruff younger roommate.
But he doesn't. He just sits there clinging to Jun, listening to him talk about how Eden is his family, now—that hurts to hear too, when they've both been separated from the rest of their unit for so long. But at the same, he's glad for it. It makes his heart soar. The unit he hoped could become a home to Jun really did become one. And the one who brought him into that unit, out of his dark and dingy alleyway and into the limelight... that was him, wasn't it?
He thinks about that, and about Jun's next words. Rubbing circles on his back, Jun says he's looked out for him more than he knows. But he doesn't list the obvious stuff, like inviting him to his room to keep him out of the basement—Hiyori knows he's done some helpful things. It just hasn't felt like enough, with the looming threat of turning into statues hanging over their heads.
But Jun says he wouldn't survive without him, citing Game 52, and that's a jolt to Hiyori.
It's been a while since they talked about the game. Neither one of them has been playing, after all. And so there's nothing to talk about. But he can still remember sitting on that bench in the shopping center, reading those instructions on their watch and feeling nauseated as well as embarrassed. Jun had looked awkward. Which, well—how could he not look awkward? Hiyori had felt awkward, too, as well as disgusted. He doesn't like crude things. But Jun must have felt even worse. He had no experience. He said he only wanted to do that sort of thing with someone he cared about deeply. And Hiyori can remember how he felt when he heard that. It wasn't just selfishness—he wanted to protect his partner's innocence. It would've been tragic, he thought, for Jun to end up the same way he used to be.
He sits in silence, and he realizes that what he did wasn't wrong. He made sure Jun had his first time with someone who loves him. Someone he cared about in return, even if he hadn't realized it was "love" yet. Isn't that a good thing? That was what Jun said he wanted. So if it wasn't wrong of him to claim Jun's first time for himself, then where did he go wrong? Not letting Jun go afterwards?
He could've done that. Let him collect other cards and try to play the game properly. He could've stood by his side as his partner without trying to monopolize him. That's all stuff he could've done in theory. But in practice, that would've been impossible. Sleeping with the person you love, and then letting them go, handing them off to fifty other people—who could possibly do that? Forget being selfless. You'd have to be a saint. But would it really be a saintly thing to do? It wasn't what Jun wanted to happen. What Jun wanted...
Was him, apparently. Him and his own selfish wants. His selfish love, all for him.
Which means they both wanted the same thing all along. Doesn't it?
Hiyori pulls his face away slowly. There are tear tracks on his cheeks, which Jun wipes with his thumb. Accompanied by a beautiful smile, it feels like a heartfelt gesture. And at last, Hiyori smiles at him.]
Mm. Jun-kun's really brave.
[Braver than him. But he can't feel upset about it. This just means he'll just have to get braver himself, in order to stand by Jun's side as his partner. Isn't that right?
He releases Jun's back and reaches for his hands. Hiyori's are still cold, but he has faith that Jun will hold them anyway. Softly, he speaks.]
I'd be incredibly lonely, I think. If I was here without you, that is. I'm always grateful somewhere in my heart that Jun-kun is here. Even though I hate them for taking you, I'm still glad to have you by my side. It feels like a sweet relief. Because as partners, we should always be together.
[He smiles all throughout his little speech.]