[He looks momentarily stricken when Jun says that first thing. His eyes flicker up again, before he casts them back down even more miserably.]
Of course I...
[meant it. But he fails to finish the sentence again.
He really does feel ashamed. Not just for failing to tell Jun everything Jin Mingming said, but for his own selfishness all along. It's a weight off his chest to confess to some of that now—to admit his motivations were self-serving since the beginning. And yet he's afraid of how Jun will react to that, too. Jun might just tell him he's being silly, but what if he doesn't? Hiyori never told him he had feelings for him all along. Since before the Springtime game, and even before they got kidnapped here. It's just one more thing he hasn't been fully honest about.
The one with the burdensome feelings is him. Not Jun. This is something he's internalized so strongly that he sees it as unbreakable truth. It's still what he believes, and the sad and helpless look on Jun's face only reinforces that idea. He can't help but feel like he's responsible for Jun's pain right now. If he'd just been able to let go of Jun-kun... No, if he'd just been able to look out for Jun-kun as his senior, without letting his true feelings interfere...
But while he's cycling through useless thoughts like that and falling deeper into despair, Jun does something wholly unexpected.
He smiles.
It's so warm, so soft and gentle that it stuns him. He stares at Jun's face, at Jun's outstretched arms, with an expression full of surprise. And then his vision blurs, fresh tears filling his eyes.]
M...
[His hesitation melts away, alongside any thoughts about being the "responsible" senior. Never mind whether he should've taken better care of Jun; with Jun offering to take care of him, he feels like he's been thrown a lifeline. All he can do is obey, crawling closer on the bed and throwing his arms around Jun's neck.]
Mm!
[He hums his assent, high and almost broken, before he sniffles again. Pressing his hot, teary face into Jun's shoulder, clinging more tightly to him than ever, he murmurs,]
I'm here.
[And I always will be, he realizes. Even if being here puts them both in danger. It's just too late to separate himself from Jun without losing half his heart in the process, and in that sense, maybe they've finally lived up to the ideal of Eve: "two souls in one," intertwined and inextricable from each other.]
crosses fingers for Hiyori to be crying uncontrollably in his next unbloomed 5*
Of course I...
[meant it. But he fails to finish the sentence again.
He really does feel ashamed. Not just for failing to tell Jun everything Jin Mingming said, but for his own selfishness all along. It's a weight off his chest to confess to some of that now—to admit his motivations were self-serving since the beginning. And yet he's afraid of how Jun will react to that, too. Jun might just tell him he's being silly, but what if he doesn't? Hiyori never told him he had feelings for him all along. Since before the Springtime game, and even before they got kidnapped here. It's just one more thing he hasn't been fully honest about.
The one with the burdensome feelings is him. Not Jun. This is something he's internalized so strongly that he sees it as unbreakable truth. It's still what he believes, and the sad and helpless look on Jun's face only reinforces that idea. He can't help but feel like he's responsible for Jun's pain right now. If he'd just been able to let go of Jun-kun... No, if he'd just been able to look out for Jun-kun as his senior, without letting his true feelings interfere...
But while he's cycling through useless thoughts like that and falling deeper into despair, Jun does something wholly unexpected.
He smiles.
It's so warm, so soft and gentle that it stuns him. He stares at Jun's face, at Jun's outstretched arms, with an expression full of surprise. And then his vision blurs, fresh tears filling his eyes.]
M...
[His hesitation melts away, alongside any thoughts about being the "responsible" senior. Never mind whether he should've taken better care of Jun; with Jun offering to take care of him, he feels like he's been thrown a lifeline. All he can do is obey, crawling closer on the bed and throwing his arms around Jun's neck.]
Mm!
[He hums his assent, high and almost broken, before he sniffles again. Pressing his hot, teary face into Jun's shoulder, clinging more tightly to him than ever, he murmurs,]
I'm here.
[And I always will be, he realizes. Even if being here puts them both in danger. It's just too late to separate himself from Jun without losing half his heart in the process, and in that sense, maybe they've finally lived up to the ideal of Eve: "two souls in one," intertwined and inextricable from each other.]